T.R.U.S.T
God has been placing these 5 letters on my heart for the past month and I have fought and ran from them. I am done running… time to be obedient!
Trust. ——-> What a small, yet HUGE word.
I have always had a hard time trusting. In anything really. It started out with not trusting girls. In high school, I was picked on, like most high schoolers are at one time or another. My experiences were with girls. From rumors of not showering to malicious lies about my sexual activity; I learned to not trust women at an early age. Along with this came the relentless trend of putting my trust in men. After numberous failures in many different relationships, I began to only trust myself. This, to me, was the best option and worked for a while.
But… there was no room for God.
There was no room to allow him in because I was always relying on myself. This Miss Independent pattern occured for numberous years. I would try and allow God in, yearning to let him take the reigns and lighten the burden I placed on myself, but I fought it each and every time.
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" – Psalm 34:18
God loves brokenness and it's accompanying humility. In March of 2011, Christ revealed himself within the brokenness of my life. I was done relying on myself and began the journey to rededicate my life to Christ. Since then, the word T.R.U.S.T. has been like a puzzle scattered all over the floor and God is helping me pick up the pieces and put them together in a new way… this time only to spell out his name and not mine.
How beautiful is that!
He wants YOU. Not just parts of you… All of you! He wants you to rely on him and only him. He is our one and only savior. He came as a humble child to live among us sinners. Suffered to save mankind. Died for our sins. Rose up from the dead…. why? Because he loves us. OUR GOD LOVES US! With Christ as our leader, the load is light. He wants us to put all our faith and trust in him and believe. Believe that he is who he says he is. He is BIGGER than me, STRONGER than me, MORE POWERFUL than I am… and he LOVES me more than I can possibly realize. Trusting in him is a MUST! He's got me… He's got you! What a stress reliever!
So why is it so hard to break down our Miss Independents?
For me… I'm stubborn. I'm a typical type A personality who likes to have everything planned out. Trusting fully in God means giving up control. Giving up the wheel and hoping that I don't crash. That terrifies me… more than snakes!
This past month… numberous situations have come up where I have had to let go of my control. The most noticeable one was my benefit concert. The weekend before the concert I was a nervous/stressed/emotional wreck. Nothing seemed to be coming into place. I had no idea how the concert was going to come together and I was freaking out. Finally, after much persistance… I let God step in. I gave it ALL to him. This for me was not easy and I for sure went kicking and screaming, but I finally gave up the reigns. I trusted that it would all come together and took it day by day, praying to God that he would have a hand in everything.
Come the day of the concert, wouldn't you know, EVERYTHING came together. EVERYTHING… He took care of everything. HE provided the performers, HE provided the audience, HE provided the raffle items, HE provided the facility, HE provided all the technical aspects, HE provided EVERYTHING! It all came together to make an amazing, stress-free, concert. The most fun I've had with the best people around.
Lesson learned:… don't try to be God. Trust in him… ALWAYS!
But wait… it gets BETTER!
That next couple weeks I am on cloud nine. I am telling everyone I run into about how God is trustworthy and how he stepped right on in during my time of need; all because I put all of my trust in him and ONLY him. Throughout sharing this good news, God began placing individuals into my path to strengthen this teaching and to go deeper into this new-found reliability. He is continuously confirming that I need to TRUST in Him.
I know that sometimes trusting God may feel like this…
But once you give up control, let go of the reigns, and give it all to God with complete Trust… you may just feel like this…
And ultimately that's what he wants, right? Our eyes on Him. Praising Him.
"Be still and know that I am God." –Psalm 46:10
He is my God. I am not.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" –Proverbs 3:5
Trust.
But what about the next verse that accompanies this…
"In all ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." – Proverbs 3:6
Submit.
I have to give it all to Him.
Continuously learning to… Let go and let God!
