Heart racing, stomach aching. Perhaps if I keep moving the all too familiar feeling will pass. Four more turns and the feelings aren't going away. Now to plan my secret attempts to recover while being around other people. I'll just sit down and drink some water and it will pass. But just as I do, the cold sweat covers my body from head to toe. I know I have to ask for some sugar or it could get worse. I whisper to the only one without headphones in at the table. "Kara, I think I'm going to faint. Can you give me some sugar?" And then my eyes roll back and my face turns as white as the words on my shirt as my head falls to the table. And then I hear everyone in the room get up and tell me, "Here, eat this apple. Have a spoon of honey. I have a sugar cube." I can hear it all, but I am unable to speak or move. Anna puts the apple to my mouth, so I take a bite. And then I 'wake up' and smile tell everyone thanks. I tell them all, "I'm back!" "I'm ok." As they begin to discuss what happened. I know full well what happened. And I knew it wasn't over. I warned them that it might happen again, but I would be ok for the moment.
I forgot I am not invincible.
I had been pretty proud and grateful that I have experienced nearly no sickness while on this journey. But I forgot my weakness. We showed up to Romania just as a vicious coughing flu was going around. I've always thought that in the end when I'm old and gray that my throat would do me in. So of course I get the flu which immediately turned into strep throat and probably the worst case I've ever experienced making it difficult to breath at times especially at night.
And then this morning it finally wasn't raining, so I thought I would be able to get off my butt and work out since I'm well now. Ten minutes in and I was toast on the breakfast table with my head down in my own cold sweat. Guess I haven't beaten those fainting spells like I thought I did over 2 years ago and I couldn't hide it like I wish I could have.
I guess I'm not invincible. Death will take me some day. Some days are going to do me in.
I've always practiced hiding my weaknesses. Perhaps it is my own way of disguising my own fears of not making it in this life.
But,
"We don't have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do." 2 Cor 3:5
And then the amazing thing to realize is that while I'm not invincible, Christ is and He who has the power to raise up from the dead lives in me! Today, when I'm reminded of my own frailty, I also reflect on His power at work in my weakness.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
And He will call you to this too.
He has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death who has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.
2 Tim 1:10-11
So much happened in just three short days. What a Good Friday.
