.jpg)
My expectations are about to get ruined. The things I love too are about to get ruined. I have never been away from every single person I know for 11 months with only one backpack of my belongings.
I love my bed. Sometimes I fear I will miss it the most. But then of course I think about the wonderful people I love, you know, like my parents who raised me, and I remember I love them more;) I love my family. I love that I don’t have to say a word when I’m near them if I don’t want to. I love that I can say dumb stuff and I don’t feel foolish after having done so. I love knowing they are safe and healthy. I also love my hair. My vanity finds itself so empowered when I have a good hair day. I love shoes. I love them! My first word was shoe. I am too embarrassed to count them and I have donated dozens more over the years than I have right now. I hate my phone. I love to hate it. I fear that if I ever had a cool phone I would love it so much. I don’t want to love my phone. I think in a couple years, I might love my phone when I return. I love my church. I love how I yearn to be there after an exhausting week and then feel so encouraged and challenged when I leave. I love to dream. I truly love to imagine someday I will be married to the most Godly man who will love me like Christ. I play it out in my heart and mind like a 10 year old girl even still. I love to imagine me being a mom. My kids will be awesome some day.
I believe that these things that I love will never feel the same when I return. I believe that is a good thing. Something won’t feel or taste as sweet as when I get to experience the sweet fulfilling taste of Christ and embrace of His spirit. I think when I experience the loss of the things I so dearly love, Christ will immediately feel softer, look more beautiful and fulfill all my hopes even more and encourage me in my weakness. I am excited and even a bit afraid of how I expect to be a bit ruined when I return. These are the things that frighten me when I think about what to expect. I’ve had to think about letting these things go even now.
I am not putting a lot of thought into my expectations of my trip. I am not concerning myself with planning out scenarios of what we might do, see or struggle with. I don’t think I can guess what culture will feel like in various places. I do believe that people in general, regardless of country or culture do seek out love and acceptance. Some just crave it more readily and openly and make it easy for you to give it. But as to what I expect….I have no idea. I could not have expected or imagined what God had in store for me over the past 3 years. Some things were so random and yet they were so obviously God experiences. I imagine He will show up in very unexpected ways and that is exactly what I expect.
