This is dedicated to my niece, Rachel, who turned 13 today! I love you! Always remember that it is Christ who gives you value. Nothing else in this world can do that. Love, Aunt Jenni
So here’s a classic look of mine at the age of 9. I’m the brat in the front middle of the entire family who refuses to cooperate with the photographer and the demand of my family to smile.
Here’s another winner. This is me actually “cooperating” with the photographer. I found it behind my dresser the other day and just laughed at how little I cared about what others thought about me. So here I am being the worst ballerina that ever lived. Sadly, that may have been my best Kodak moment as a child.
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So what happened to that little kid who could care less about appearances? She took a hike and never returned somewhere back in 91 when I was 13. She was replaced by Bonnie Bell, jelly bracelets and posters of Leonardo Dicaprio.
It was in those early days that I began to paint a picture of how I view myself. And just like every other girl I have known, I began to paint that picture of a girl that was nothing more than just plain ugly and fat with very little to offer the world. How does that even happen?
It was my beginning of seeking human regard over God’s and the start of a refusal to give a piece of my heart to the One that made it. And I held on to that part of my heart for a good 20 years.
I realize now that I made every effort to somehow win the opinion of men to give me value. Now there’s a lost cause if there ever was one! There is not much value in human life when one hopes to find value from imperfect man who is likely looking for his own value from other imperfect people as well. It’s a very defeating cycle.
Once I finally realized what I was doing, I immediately felt a huge weight had been lifted from both my heart and mind. All my value was finally realized as perfect in Christ and it will never come up short. I began to understand my health, body and beauty in relation to God who gave me all my value and I’ll tell you, it’s feels like freedom.
I started to reread Proverbs 31 a year ago about a virtuous wife and study it in hopes to continue down a path that I would describe as liberating. After reading it, I did start to think that I need to be on Pinterest more to get the latest recipes, start cleaning this place up, shop for the finest local produce and it sounds like I need to start sewing, A LOT because that lady can sew like no other. I haven’t been on Pinterest or brought my sewing machine out, but I have been working on some other matters.
I was meditating over these verses just before I went on my little tour of Israel last year. I wanted to bring back a memento that I would cherish. If you ever see me now, you might see this written in Hebrew around my neck.
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I used to be obsessed with jewelry for fashion. But now I wear this necklace very little for a fashion statement and all about a reminder of what my fine lines and gray hairs that I have now say about who I am when I look at my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I let those lines and grays tell me all I am is a lady getting old. I will often take one huge breath in and slowly breathe out reminding myself about the truth around my neck.
I asked my Jewish tour guide if my necklace really said what vendor told me. As he tried to translate it, he laughed because the verse reminded him of a beauty pageant, where everyone needs to be told she is beautiful, but there is only one winner.
I’m no beauty queen. I get none of my value from score cards about my good hair days, pretty lips or winning smile or for that matter, my flabby arms, stark white legs and crow’s feet.
So I will keep looking at my reflection and remember the truth around my neck.
Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Prov 31
*hopefully the Hebrew translated onto your computer;) Seems to be struggling.
