I’m about to get raw. Transparency is a key part of the World Race culture and it is extremely powerful. I could simply say “I wasn’t walking with God” and let you use your imagination but instead I want to paint a picture for you so you can really understand where I’m coming from. This story isn’t backed with shame but instead is remembered in awe of God’s amazing grace.
Exactly one year ago this month I was a girl in search for happiness. I was seeing a guy who wanted every part of being with me except the commitment. This had been going on for almost a year and it tore me apart as I longed for him to be my boyfriend yet because of being hurt in his past he refused to commit. We were on and off as he would find another girl and when that didn’t work he’d come back. I cared about him so much that I allowed this to happen. Since he wouldn’t make the commitment, I searched for someone who would and in addition to dating friends of friends I also registered on an online dating website. I went on several dates with several different guys searching for Mr. Right yet never finding him.
Working in the restaurant business is no excuse for being a part of the party scene but it sure does make it easier. Often times after work, I’d go for drinks with my co-workers. If I could stop at one or two drinks that would have never been a problem. But I rarely stopped there and would drink until I was drunk. I’d have parties at my house and drink until I passed out. I’d pop the occasional prescription drug and was even debating dabbling in others. I searched and searched for anything to fill that emptiness I couldn’t explain but nothing could ever fill that void.
Let me take you back to June 16th, 2011. I had spent the day floating down the river in a tube with a bunch of friends drinking beer and jager, having a great time and jumping out of trees into the water. A great summer day! When I got back to my apartment, I was invited to our friends for a bbq. I had started sobering up…after drinking all day in the sun I felt horrible…headache, nauseous, tired…those of you who drink know the feeling I’m talking about. So, I decided to stay home.
As I laid there on my couch alone in my apartment I began to think. Head pounding, nauseous and alone I wondered what I was doing with my life. I drank myself sick to the point I couldn’t go enjoy a bbq with my friends, one of the girls earlier that day crashed her car…could that have been me? I started thinking of all the drunken things I have done and wondered where that would ever get me. I questioned why I was 27, single, no husband and kids, and going nowhere in life. In that moment, tears pouring down my cheeks I decided to quit drinking. I was going to start with 6 months. Something had to change and this is where I was going to start.
The next couple weeks I analyzed my life. I tried to think back when I was truly happy and the only time I could remember was close to 14 years ago when I had a relationship with God. Ok, maybe I should go to church…so Sunday June 26th was my first day back in church. It was about the Holy Spirit speaking to you and not asking any questions but to just go. I laughed inside knowing that God wouldn’t be speaking to me anytime soon let alone call me to go anywhere. 2 days later He proved me wrong when my friend invited me to her church. She said there were people who went there who were around my age and they had went on a missions trip for 11 months to 11 different countries. When I got home from work that night I looked up “The World Race” and as I looked through the website my heart started pounding and I got choked up. I slammed my laptop closed and pushed it away as I said “No way! There is no way! I am NOT a missionary!” The next day after I couldn’t get it out of my head I decided to apply. Two long weeks later I was accepted!
Here I am, one year later, sitting in a house in Tanzania, Africa. I have spent the last 6 months in 6 different countries living out of a backpack. I have spent my days loving on children in orphanages, praying for kids in hospitals, sitting with the elderly in a nursing home, worshiping in dumps, praying for prostitutes in bars, prayer walks around neighborhoods, dramas and testimonies in churches, loving on street boys, painting houses in the poorest most dangerous communities, building a home for an orphan family, teaching English in schools and evangelizing door to door.
By the grace of God I am a completely different woman! Instead of being the girl who searches for Mr. Right in all the wrong places I am now the woman who proudly wears a purity ring, confident that my future husband knows I am worth the wait. I’m no longer a girl searching for a “good enough” boyfriend but I’m a woman who knows my future husband is a mighty man of God who is passionate for missions and longs to be an amazing husband and father. I am no longer a girl who drinks to get wasted but a woman who has one drink with her friends. I am no longer a girl who has a foul mouth but a woman speaks life and encouragement into my teammates, who prays confidently, and speaks truth. I am no longer a girl who thinks my future plans are best, but a woman who knows God’s plans are the best. I choose to walk in His plans, not my own.
I stand in complete awe of God’s grace. His redemption is unmatchable and His love unstoppable. It amazes me how even though after years of pushing God away He never left my side. When I finally turned to Him, He was waiting with arms wide open. I am forever grateful for His love which has continued to pour into me so I then, in return, can pour into others. This past year has been amazing and my growth is indescribable. I am so thankful for where I am today, that this is my life, thousands of miles from home sharing God’s love with others!
