When I applied for The World Race back in July, I was ecstatic to have the opportunity to take myself out of my comfort zone to serve God’s people, to have experiences I’ve only dreamed about and most importantly to grow.
In the last month since training camp I have been reminded that with growth comes growing pains.
For starters, I have decided that the word “fun” should be taken out of fundraising- for me, there is nothing fun about it. So someone should get to making a new word for “fundraising”….annnnnd GO! =)
Okay seriously now, frustration and fear have begun to overshadow my excitement about this experience. My busy schedule has left me exhausted and preparation for the race has often been put on the back burner. Leaving me more stressed.
I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m losing faith in my conviction to go on this journey. I’m beginning to fail. Ouch! Its starting to hurt.
At training camp they say, be present. be intentional in everything you do. On the race and at home. Soak everything in and do not miss an opportunity to love those who are placed in your life. In practicing this here at home I am becoming more aware of those around me. I am re-discovering what makes my loved ones tick. What their hearts have been made for. I am falling in love with each and every one all over again. I am most amazed to see the unending love and sacrifice they have shown me. Emotionally, spiritually, financially- there has been no hesitation in their response to my needs. I kept finding myself saying “why me?” What have I done to deserve all this love?
Truth- I’ve done nothing to deserve it. I’ve most likely (unintentionally) done everything I could do to not deserve this kind of love.
This morning I found myself sitting alone at church feeling emotionally drained. Feeling a bit defeated. Feeling lost. Worship began. Singing along with the band, I noticed that the chosen songs had a reoccurring theme.
Grace.
I was once again reminded that no matter how inadequate and undeserving I feel, I am always loved. God always loves me and is always there to pick me up. He is always there to show me how to make my wrongs right. He is always there to provide. He has placed some of the most amazing people in my life to remind me just how much He loves me and how powerful grace is.
With just over one month until launch, I do not know how I am going to come up with the amount of funding I still need to continue this journey, but I am learning that in the end, it really doesn’t matter if I get to go on the race for its entirety or not. It does not make me a failure. What matters is that through all of these growing pains, my faith is being restored. I don’t need to feel like a failure if it is not God’s will to keep me there. In the end, God gets his way- no matter if I am doing everything “right” or if I’m blowing it royally.
Because of grace, I will end up where I need to be.
