Lately this crazy, imperfect journey has been feeling lonely, kinda I don’t belong here and God what sense does this all make.
My emotions are a mixture of sadness, homesickness and constantly trying to get my emotions back on track. Life, ministry, my “ever so strong” mindset of being able to suck it up and just get over it. Maybe this time I don’t want to just let it go. Maybe God needs to just carry me through it.
I miss my home, home is where your heart is, home is where your people are. I have been craving deep soul conversations and belly giggles. My heart thrives and is nurtured by community. By raw, honest deep conversations. My church family back in good old Naperville is build on Friday night giggles, heart wrenching confessions, encouragement, lots of love and deep waters. Life is happening and even though we all live busy lives, we all come together and share the depths of our hearts.
It’s real
It’s raw
It’s reality
The season I am in right now is defined by being together but more co-existing than actually getting to know the beautiful personalities each and everyone of us has. Glued to electronic devices and social media, my heart cries out for a simple question.
How are you? Let’s have a real conversation.
I am so guilty of this myself, I shelter myself, run and hide, dealing with my emotions in ways that are more damaging than healing. At least I don’t have to feel scrolling through Facebook. If I think I am unwanted and uncared for, I get an independent mindset that shuts the doors to my heart. If you don’t ask, I won’t tell.
My love-hate relationship for social media is growing more and more resentful and I am starting to lean more towards despising it. It robs people of unforgettable memories that are made only through conversations and just being together. When did an Apple iPhone become more meaningful than a person? How come we can spend hours and days watching other people’s lives, but are unwilling to make an effort to build up the church. Instead of asking God for advice we run to our fake world.
It kills love
it kills intimacy
it gives birth to a false reality
Love God and love people now looks like hitting the like button and admiring someone else’s success on the computer screen. Comparison robs us of any self worth and our time is wasted in a hole of mindless surfing the web. Even in our quiet time with God, we turn to online answers instead of sitting at his feet, quiet and patiently waiting for Him to answer.
Real life and real people will pass me by if I continue to turn to the wrong sources. I can’t continue running this race alone or on small talk. God created me for so much more. He created us for so much more. Life happens when we ask, when we care, when we love. It happens in the spontaneous moments of silly life. I need a social media fast, and instead get involved with messy life. I don’t wanna walk away from this not knowing people, because fake life got the best of me.
Just like everything this year, I can make the Race what I want it to be. I can chose to be more, be better, love stronger, speak out more and care more. I can ask questions and put that tablet down.
I can chose God and people
I will chose God and people
And I will let God carry me through it
Love Jen
