“You are an addict that is going through withdrawal right now.’’ Words of reality from my mentor that hit me right where it hurts. Truth hurts! I am not a drug addict, hooked on alcohol or cray-cray about shopping.
My drug of choice are men. They have been my painkiller for half of my life. Boys distract me, comfort me, make me feel special and beautiful, filling the empty void that only Jesus can fill.
My younger years were defined by having a boyfriend. My idol of choice! I needed someone to complete me! I longed for someone who made me feel like I was worth something. Trying to satisfy myself by getting lost in someone’s arms, thinking that my reason for existing is to feel desired, I was falling deeper and deeper into my obsession. Nowadays I am still learning how to breathe and survive without male attention.
I am a recovering menaholic. Every day I give my pain, disappointments, my idol and my loneliness to God. He can have all my broken pieces, all the lies, all the toxic thoughts and beliefs that have captured my life for so long.
Most of us have an idol in our lives and unless your idol is Jesus, you need to get yourself into rehab. The world we live in, satan and your own selfish desires give you the false hope of security and independence. Your ‘’hero’’ might be health food or porn. Maybe you are obsessed with getting married or being skinny. Money and sex make men’s top five idols. Until you meet Jesus the hollowness in your heart will never find peace. You can buy five hundred pair of shoes or have a six figure job, even drop dead gorgeous is not going to stuff that void. There will always be the next big thing, there will always be a new ‘’soulmate’’ who seems to understand you way more than the one you are married to right now. If you are looking to another human being to meet all your needs, you will soon wake up to gut wrenching disappointment. Like any new drug or alcoholic binge, the buzz of a new person soon wears of and you will need a new fix to satisfy your emptiness.
God created you to worship, to fall in love and to be loved back. Unfortunately somewhere along the way sin and your messed up thinking got everything twisted. Now you rather worship a human or your job instead of the One who so uniquely created you.
‘’You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’’
Psalm 139:16
Now you constantly run around like people in crazytown, chasing after a life that will never complete you. You are running a race, you can never win. Unless you are running the race of Faith you will be severely disappointed.
God is the only One you should run after, admire and devote your life too. He comes first, second and third. Your issues have everything to do with the missing puzzle piece called Jesus. The way you think, speak and act are direct reflections of what you put first in your life. In who do you put your trust, hope and security?
What are you chasing after? If it is not Jesus, it is time to go into rehab!!!
Love Jen
