So I cannot really comprehend the last month and how the Lord has worked in me. All I can say is, He is alive and real and He wants all of you to experience His unconditional Love.
A couple of weeks ago my team and I were sitting on the living room floor of our Indian host location. And let me tell you, it was no pretty site. Things were said that cut deep, brokenness was displayed and our honeymoon was definitely over. The words that were spoken over us at training camp seemed like a million years ago and I did not see this coming.
When you sign up to want all of Christ He will sent you into dark places in your soul you wish you would have buried a long time ago. After all who likes to truly deal with the hard stuff. Denial and stubbornness are so much easier to walk in.
As I looked at the faces of my teammates that day, I saw unforgiveness and broken hearts. I couldn’t comprehend how we even got here. How did the dream team that was once anchored in Christ get shipwrecked. People had expectations and so had I.
So here I was angry at myself, letting my stubborn heart get the best of me. I had so much false truth in my heart, that I chose my will over my Fathers will. I let past wounds and vows get the best of me and I hurt people in the process. I carried so much anger in me and I didn’t even know where it came from. But you ask, you shall receive! Holy Spirit ain’t keeping no secrets, especially not if you are soaked in Gods patience and grace.
As I was talking to the One who knows me best, He convicted me of my sin. He also let me know that He wants me to ask for forgivenes, hold my tongue and walk in Love. Not gushy feel good love, but the love that Christ died for. You know, the love that is patient and kind. The love that holds no records of wrongs and is not easily angered.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no records of wrong. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Who hasn’t heard those verses spoken over a wedding ceremony. They are probably the most “worldly” known verses in the bible and to me they used to leave a cheesy, fake taste in my mouth. How easy it is to read and say these things but how painful and difficult it is to actually walk them out.
How do you walk in love, when you don’t trust? Love always trust! How do you forgive when the pain is razor sharp? Christ forgave you, really you don’t have a choice! How do you move on from such brokenness nothing will be able to fix it? Love never loses faith! And you trust that God will continue and finish the work He has started in you and in your brothers and sisters.
Walking in love is scary, choosing love even if you are fearful takes courage. A clean slate means you have to let your guard down, pick up that cross and fight in the Spirit. It means that everything that your human logic and reasoning is telling you needs to be shut down. Why, because Christs love and forgiveness are not logical, or explainable it’s just supernatural. The flesh needs to be crucified and nailed to the cross once and for all. If we ever wanna stop drinking milk we need to start to CHOOSE love no matter how we feel.
I don’t have this figured out, thank God I don’t have too! But I know that He has called me to walk in love, no matter the offense, accusations or pain. I am called to love my brothers and sisters the way He loves me. I wanna fight for them the way Christ fights for me and I want to see them the way Christ sees them. I want to lay down my life for them, they way Christ laid down His life for me and I want to honor them the way my Father honors me every day.
” So now I am giving you a new commandmen: love each other, just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are m disciples. “
John 13:34-35
Love Jen
