I have been wrestling with writing a blog in the last couple of days. I can’t write and share my journey with you until God moves me and the Spirit.
To be completely vulnerable with you, I didn’t feel close to God in the last week. I didn’t feel close to my calling and there was a part of me that just wanted to quit. My flesh wanted to run and hide, since past sin haunted me and the enemy wanted to break me.I was questioning Gods ability and mine even more. What a fool I am!
India is a country full of darkness and oppression. Spiritual warfare and poverty are on every corner. Women’s voices are completely silenced , violence and abuse are on a daily schedule. So here I am in a country where precious children of God don’t have a choice but to bow down to a cast system, that leaves them hopeless and without a free will.
When I signed up for the Race, I wanted to serve the least of these, tell Gods beautiful princesses that they are loved more than they will ever know. I am convinced that this is why I am here, it is the part I play in turning my story into His glory.
My team and I have been placed in a ministry that consists of 99% men. Not only do I hardly ever see a women but we also work with a lot of media and music. Yeah not my strength, not my passion but that doesn’t mean I am not incredible thankful for where God has placed me.
Covenant School of Worship does some wonderful things for the youth in south India. Many of them experience academically pressure, substance abuse or struggle with immorality. A variety of my brothers at CSW have experienced Jesus just because someone invited them to study music at the worship center. Literally did they know they will not only become musically inclined but are about to met their Savior who will turn their world upside down. It blows my mind to see young men worship our God, simply with their voices, no fancy equipment needed. Holy Spirit says it all! James, Timothy, Prem and the rest of the brothers at Covenant Worship live in a close knit community, sharing life, carrying each other’s burdens and encouraging each other in their walk with Christ. Fellowship at its finest. I will be forever grateful for their servant hearts and humbleness.
This morning I woke up feeling sick and nauseous. All I really wanted to do is stay in bed and sleep, but it was time for our prayer walk through the slums of India. My team and I walked through the hot and stuffy city, while praying for a God revival. I was unmotivated and frustrated. Frustrated because I came to the ends of the earth to tell people about Jesus and people’s voices filled me with fear. India has a high rate of Muslims and Hindus, so we have been told early on not to say specific things, or go into certain areas. We weren’t allowed to leave the house without a native, shouldn’t eat specific foods and making to much “noise” could potentially be harmful too. So here I was dragging through the streets of India, exhausted and discouraged ! One of my teammates mentioned to bring my iPod with me, so I could praise God, even if I wasn’t feeling well. At first I started singing quietly and timid, but suddenly the Holy Spirit took over and I was worshipping Christ with full force and voice, not caring who could potentially hear me or harm me! The air was filled with praises for Him and I knew that I was done running the Race with a timid Spirit. An hour later I was on the rooftop of our building, declaring passionately to my team that I will not continue to keep silent when God has clearly called me to speak up. I wanted Him to break my heart till it moves my hands and feet, I wanted Him to bring me into the deep, dark places, not so I could sit on the sidelines but so I could be His vessel. Surprisingly I wasn’t the only one feeling this way.
“For God has not given us a Spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment and this shows us that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1 John 4:18
I believe God spoke to all of us today on the rooftop to be bold as lions and courageous as David, after all greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We were confirmed in our revelation once a power house couple came to visit us and suggested we go talk to some locals and hug some babies. Soon after we experienced a new freedom.We tried local fruit drinks, cuddled with babies in the slums and started singing praises to our Father. In the evening hours we shared bible stories with new believers, ate delicious sweet cous-cous and snuggled with some more kiddos. All while sharing the love of Christ.
Christ turned the whole world up side down. He constantly broke the rules, did things that were considered unacceptable.He loved the unlovable, called out a Samaritan women, forgave unforgivable sins and spoke up even if He experienced persecution. The man that died for me was never afraid!!! I trust in His divine protection. I owe Him my life. He called me to greatness.
” Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God who can destroy both soul and body.”
Matthew 10:28
Jen
