I saw them sitting across from each other at the little table at one of many restaurants on Pub Street. Pub Street is one of the more well known places in Siem Riep. Backpackers from all over the world come here to drink the night away. Trying to find pleasure in the mystery of darkness or another women. Girlfriends indulge in food and massages that you can find on every corner, or spend their money at one of the many night markets. I guess a part of me can see why people from many nations come here to forget about the same old and unfulfilling life they might have left at home. It seems like the perfect place to run to and not worry about tomorrow.
But then there was this couple, sitting at the table, not talking, not smiling. There was not an ounce of joy in their faces. Both of them where staring down at their neon looking drinks, while playing with their straws. I was wondering what brought them here in the first place. Was it the thrill of bars and entertainment? Was it the cheap lodging, warm weather and food? Or was it just another vacation, trying to bring some spunk and excitement into their marriage! Why would a married couple chose to spend their precious vacation time in a place like Pub Street, where everything screams sex, drugs and rock and roll. I don’t know their story! But it shook something in me that made me think about happily ever after!
Here on the Race I have been confronted with the subject of relationships and marriage more often than expected. Even though AIM has a no dating policy ( trust me there is a reason ) I still continuously stumble upon women that are in relationships that are not quite a representation of Christ and His love.
It makes me wonder, how often women compromise, look over red flags and believe that they have the “power” to turn their boyfriend into a godly man.
If there is one thing I learned from past mistakes, it is that we cannot change a man!
The only One that can change hearts and minds is God!
I know that there is a certain pressure to get married, have babies and live the dream. I also know the desire of wanting a godly husband and someone who leads me closer to the Lord. Trust me I get it!
But not for a price I don’t want to pay!
I am not willing to pay a price that will make me lose my fire for the Lord, because I decided to marry a lukewarm man. I will not compromise, because He is so freaking handsome and treats me like a princess, even though these are great attributes. I will not count on myself or him to change into a radical disciple of Christ after we are married. I will not back down on red flags, that are burning with sin, trusting that together we can work through things.
If a mans relationship with the Lord is not solid and full of integrity while you are dating him, why do you think, it will magically change if you enter his life or worse marry him!?
How can you trust a man, that is supposed to lead your life, if he is not connected to the source of love, life and wisdom? Marriage is one of the most beautiful things God created! Two become one flesh. You are now one, you are now one in Christ!
You will always be Gods first bride, so will the man by your side. God intended marriage or a romantic relationship (minus the physical part on that one) to be be a representation of Him. It is a direct reflection of your walk with God. People should look at you and him as a couple and be amazed about the joy, peace and love you two have for each other. Your life together should be so different that people wonder what you have that they don’t.
All of this is not possibly if one of you is out of sync with the Creator of living water.
You cannot drag a man beside you, hoping he will turn from his sin or except Jesus as his Savior. It is not your battle to fight or your job to convince a man to completely surrender his life to Christ.
Don’t fight a battle that is way to big for you!
Now I am not talking about perfection here. We are all sinners, in need of grace and we are a constant work in progress. I am talking about taking scripture and male leadership seriously.
I am talking about a life, that is lead by a man who fears the Lord above all else, because in marriage you are about to give yourself to him completely.
“And further submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of His wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her, to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of Gods word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives, as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love to himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.”
Ephesians 5:21-29
Your husband is supposed to love you as Christ loves the church. How is that possible if the guy in your life doesn’t even know how Christ loves? How can he give up his life for you, meaning die to himself daily, if he is living in constant sin or lukewarmness?
You cannot trust a man with your every being, if he doesn’t have a clue who Jesus is or what He has done for human kind. Picture a situation, where your whole life will be turned upside down and you need to trust your husbands leadership. Wouldn’t you be so much more at ease, if you know he is on his knees, praying to an all knowing God and searching for an answer. Or do you prefer a guy that is ruled by emotions, opinions and human knowledge?
Where there is no Jesus, there is no trust!
Every value, decision and opinion your spouse will make will be based on the ultimate bond between him and Christ. The way he treats you and handles conflict. The way he will raise your children and how well he loves. The way he will give and where he will invest his resources. Everything will flow from his core values that are rooted in God.
Ladies, marriage is a huge deal, running the other way shouldn’t be an option. You have a right to be picky and not settle. Gents that goes both ways by the way!
If a man doesn’t chase after Jesus, he has no business chasing after you!
As I was starring at the couple at the restaurant, I wondered how different their lives would be if they would be crazy for Jesus. Instead of starring silently at the floor, they would be feeding street kids or pray for the prostitutes. There would be no time for boredom or stupid arguments. They would love unconditionally and forgive quickly. Their marriage would be a reflection of the Saviors love. A couple that is radically in love with our Creator is unstoppable. A power house of Holy Spirit wisdom and a threat against satan. Two (actually a bond of three) are better than one, but only if they are more productive for the Kingdom together than apart! If your relationship doesn’t bring you closer to Jesus and glorifies His Kingdom, you are better of it being you and Jesus!
Love you all
Jen
