I've heard many different stories and read a fair sample of blogs about Training Camp, and now I've experienced my own with R squad. Many people make claims of it being "completely life changing" and "the hardest/most difficult week of my life". People talk about being completely broken so God could work towards remaking them, or how they experienced God in a whole new way. I expected to see something similar happen to be, but I'm here to say that didn't happen to me.
Let me be clear though. This week may not have completely changed my life, but it did alter it. It was not the most difficult week of my life, but it was challenging and stretching. God did not completely break me, but He broke what He needed to break in me so He could work in more areas of my life and have me more completely. I may not have experienced God in a whole new way, but He stretched the limits of the ways I was familiar with and I'm more open to new experiences.
Now, I could share stories about crazy sleeping arrangements, being attacked by a bench, strange food, squad wars, injuring myself, and showering conditions, but I want to tell you the main way my life was altered, how I was stretched, where God broke me, and how God expanded my view of how He talks to His people. I want to tell you about community.
Two important notes for background: I'm very introverted (which does NOT mean I'm shy, but that I get energy from being alone, and large groups of people can be very intimidating), and I graduated on the day that TC started, which meant saying goodbye to many of my dear friends who have been my biggest supporters for years and saying hello to 50+ strangers within hours of each other.
So, I show up to TC 30 min late because I was coming from graduation. I pitch my tent and look around at the 55 (or so…did we ever get an official number?) people who would soon become my family. I hardly had interacted with anyone before camp because I was finishing school. I felt awkward and exhausted from being surrounded by people all day. Thankfully we have some awesome outgoing people on the squad who immediately introduced themselves and made me feel welcome.
The first few days were a huge stretch for me. I didn't know these people, I knew they loved me and they would soon become my family, but everything in me was screaming to give up on trying to get to know them.
It was too much at once, maybe I can't do this, and maybe I should have waited until September to leave so I would have free time to get to know my squadmates better before TC. What am I getting myself into? What if I'm just too weird to be accepted by these people?
These lies were masking a fear of not being accepted. What really kept me going was the few letters I had tucked in my Bible from friends from college. The authors of these letters were part of my community for years at school, and now they served to help usher me into my World Race community by accepting the role they were now playing in my life and encouraging me to keep pursuing God. So, though I didn't fully comprehend it at the time, I turned over my fear to God and forced myself to branch out and be present. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but I refused to hide. I wanted this community, and to have it I had to be present.
So, I thought stepping out was a big step for me. I was constantly exhausted, but I wanted to get to know these people. I still have lots to learn about them and about how to make those connections, but still, I took that step. But God had more for me.
To be continued…
