Once upon a time I went to and later worked at a camp called Springhill. At this camp when we prayed we held hands interlocking our fingers. We did this to represent how everyone has strengths (our fingers) and weaknesses (the spaces between our fingers), and God created us so that one person’s strengths will cover another’s weakness. God used this month to remind me of this simple lesson.
I love being self sufficient, and I am prone to stubbornly refuse help from others. I especially try to avoid needing help because of my height or strength. I’m even worse when my asthma gets involved.
Cue having to carry about 30 lbs on my back and cross a river 14 times (and 2 or 3 of those crossings involved me swimming). I didn’t want help; I wanted the accomplishment of saying I did most of it myself. However, the river was swift and my asthma would act up when the water was waist deep without me carrying my pack. I crossed the river with my pack a grand total of 2 times. So one of our men had to come back and get my pack and carry it across the river for me 12 times. Talk about a blow to my pride. But the boys were so gracious to me and told me that it was really a joy for them to be able to help me. They were glad that I knew my limits and didn’t allow my stubborn pride to lead me to do something dangerous. Their attitude and understanding allowed me to accept my weakness and let their strength cover it (seriously, Chandler, Kevin, Kevin, and Brad…you guys are awesome). It also helped that I got to cross the last river with my pack on. But this crossing was where the river had the strongest current so in order to cross it I had to hold hands with my teammates so we could keep each other from falling over (and I still almost fell twice).
Ultimately I made it to the village, and we had a good week doing some manual labor to continue construction on a school. I was looking forward to the hike back because we would be going a different way and I thought I could somewhat redeem myself by hiking the entire way with my pack.
Cue a 30 minute steep incline at the beginning of the hike.
I was determined to overcome this obstacle by myself. Even if I was slow, even if I had to use my inhaler, I wanted to say that I did it. About 200 meters from the top of this climb my strength started to fail, but I gave myself 5 seconds of frustration and started moving forward with more determination. Not even 100 meters later I turned a corner and saw the last leg of the steep climb. But when I saw it I didn’t rejoice because I was almost there, I panicked because I saw how hard it was going to be. One of the guys came back to take my pack to the top for me, and I began slowly trudging uphill feeling defeated. I looked up once more at the goal that eluded me, the goal that was still difficult for me to reach without carrying my pack, and I fell apart. My windpipe constricted and I started to cry with the finish line in site. As I gasped for air with a high pitched squeal escaping my throat I heard my squadmates ask about my inhaler concerned that my asthma was triggered from the tough climb. This time it wasn’t my inhaler that I needed, it was Jesus. Thankfully 2 of my teammates, Erica and Kevin, were right next to me. Erica immediately asked if I needed a friend and knelt down next to me even though she was just as exhausted as I was and as Kevin prayed for me aloud I felt the weight on my chest lift and I was able to breathe more freely. As I stood up Erica and I held hands and we finished the last leg of the toughest part of that hike together.
I don’t like to admit my weaknesses, but God forced me to accept that I am limited (because I have nodes…or, you know, asthma). When I tried to do get past my weaknesses by myself I ultimately failed, but when I accepted that I was weak and allowed others to use their strength to support me I was able to face every obstacle in my way. And as humiliating as it was for me to cry in front of my team (this was the second time they had seen me cry in 5 months of living with me), it was a good thing. I had to humbly accept help from them, and now they know how to support me better. It is only by showing my weakness that others’ strengths can cover it.
