Yep, a singleness blog. I didn’t want to write this, but here’s to jumping on the bandwagon and throwing my 2 cents into the large pot of pocketchange on this subject.
Everyone my age is focused on how to be single while we wait for ‘the one’, how to have a healthy relationship or marriage, or how to find the one, etc. We read blogs to help us, we discuss who we like or what we want in a future spouse with our friends, sometimes we even turn to our parents or mentors in our churches for advice to navigate this insane part of our lives. It seems crazy, but we are wired to couple at this stage of our lives, it’s in our hormones, and that’s okay, I’m not hating on it. I just dislike how complicated it makes our lives, and in Christian circles it often gets overcomplicated. Seriously though, we debate about dating vs courtship (lookin’ at you Harris). Heck, the definition of what an actual date is and what it means is somehow getting debated. Talk about confusing.
I went to a small Christian college. Lots of girls seek for that coveted Mrs degree, and you often hear the phrase ‘ring by spring’ thrown around. I was there for 4 years and was never in a relationship, but I observed a LOT of relationships (I basically had no choice in this matter since couples are seemingly everywhere, but still). And oddly enough I became a go-to person for relationship advice for many of my friends (I mean, my current count of serious relationships is at a whopping zero). Still, observation and knowledge only go so far when you know eventually you will have to put yourself out there (I’m only slightly terrified).
Then there’s the Race, which has a no-new-relationship policy. That’s right, I signed away over a year of my life to stay single. Honestly, I’m really happy that I did because it has allowed me to realize a few important things:
1. God is bigger and more important than marriage. In fact, God is everything, not just the top of a list of priorities. He is alpha and omega, that is beginning, end, and everything in between. He should be our center, our focus. Relationships threaten to become an idol in our lives, especially in this stage of life.
2. Marriage is NOT forever (Matthew 22:30). Marriage is God ordained and good, but my life shouldn’t be revolving around finding a good boyfriend, getting engaged/married, and having a perfect marriage. Also, knowing that marriage will only last as long as my future husband and I are alive on this earth makes petty things not worth bickering over. There are more important things to worry about, and a bigger mission to focus on than making a marriage perfect. And when God is everything for both me and my significant other a healthy relationship should flow out of our relationship with God.
3. My life needs to be God-centered before I can have a God-centered relationship. Whatever baggage I have just by myself will be brought into any relationship I enter into. If I’m not actively keeping God as my focus how can I add someone else’s life into the mix?
Yeah, big priority check. But because of it I’m not so worried about the future any more. Sure, I certainly want to be married one day, but I want to serve God more. I don’t care so much who my future husband will be. Not that I’ll go out with just anybody, I still have high standards, but if my focus is God the right man will fit into my life. I don’t have to seek him out, I don’t need to worry about finding ‘the one’, I just have to follow each step God shows me. And all those advice blogs have some good thoughts and advice, but ultimately it’s about pursuing God and following His mission in every season, single or married. And when God is at the center, everything else will flow out of that.
