This is it. Counting today I have 17 days until I graduate; 17 days until I start Training Camp. I finished my competitive soccer career last semester, I kissed the stage and will finish saying goodbye to the TFC Theatrical Society at the Tony's, I've done all my presentations and projects, I've gone to my last college banquet, I played in my last music concerts. Tomorrow is my last official Barnabas group meeting, and I absolutely love those girls! I'm done with classes a week from tomorrow, and have 3 finals to take. I have a 7 page paper due Thursday and my completed Senior Hebrew Exegesis paper due on the last day of classes. I just have to finish translating Daniel 7 and take a vocab quiz in my Aramaic class. On May 18th I will walk across the stage, receive my diploma, pause to smile for pictures, then keep on walking straight to TC.
Talk about a fast transition and little time to process.
Truth be told, I don't know how to handle this. I'm dealing with emotions that don't have a place to go in my mind, and if you've read my earlier blogs you should be aware that I don't do emotions that well. I've started being short with my friends (if any of you are victims of this and are reading this, I'm sorry!) I'm pushing away because retreating is the "safest" thing I know. TFC has been my home for 4 years, and my friends here have become my family. I don't know if I will see some of these friends again. I don't know how to handle that possibility. Then, on the same day I'm saying all these goodbyes, I'm going to TC to meet people who will be my family for at least the next year [let's face it, probably forever). Then there's this little tidbit about me… best described in the words of Mr. Darcy, "I do not have the talent of conversing easily with people I have never met before.”
Allow me to sum up…and conclude. I have to finish my classes, pack all of my possessions from my room into stuff to go home or for TC; I will be saying many difficult goodbyes. I will be thrown into TC with people that I haven't really met in person before when I don't do well with crowds of unfamiliar people; I have fundraising to work on and more than a handful of thank you notes to write. And what I know is this: change is coming, and it's coming quickly. Please understand, I'm very excited to start the World Race and meet my squad at training camp. I just know I'm in need of patient love, from my friends now and my squad both now and at TC. I also know that if I was finding my stability from anyone or anything other than God, this is certainly going to rip that foundation out from under me. This is a good thing no matter how terrifying it feels. Everything that is coming up is completely manageable. God is bigger than all of this and will take care of me. I just don't want to lose sight of Him amongst everything else that is happening around me.
