I don't like not knowing what's going to happen. I like being able to know what's coming so I can plan accordingly. Unfortunately, that's not really how life works. We can make our plans and sometimes things will work out exactly as planned, other times they won't. My desire to have a plan is what I believe is currently leading to my body's desire to throw up every time I think about training camp.
Aren't I excited though? Absolutely! I'm very excited! I finally get to meet the squad mates I've been bonding with for the past 5 months. I get to worship with 200+ people and grow closer to God in a way I'm not sure if I'm ready for, but know I'm excited for. It's going to be a week of challenge, a week of growth, a week of bonding and a week of fun.
That's not the part that makes me nervous though.
What makes me nervous are all the "X" factors. The fact that I don't know exactly what we'll be doing, therefore, I don't know what to pack. The fact, that going to training camp makes us leaving in September that much more real. The fact, that I can't answer the question "where are you going in that country?"
How can I plan when I don't know the plans?
Lord, can you please give me a hint?
TRUST.
Trust? That's the hint?
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths."
– Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust eh? Our Pastor spoke about trust a few weeks ago, saying, "We're so willing to trust God with our salvation, but not our day to day activities."
Mind Blown.
I believe God sent His only Son to die on a cross so that I can have eternal salvation, AND YET, I don't trust that He can figure out the details of a missions trip? I figure I'd better offer Him my great organizational skills to help Him out. Wow… really? How can I not trust the small things when I have trusted with something as huge as salvation? It definitely won't be easy, though to be fair, no one ever said it would be.
So, even as the worries enter and re-enter my mind, even when the questions seem to be piling up with no answer in sight, and even when I am desperate to see just a small glimpse of His plan, I will remind myself to trust.
Trust in my God because not only CAN He make my paths straight, He WILL.
