My Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I humbly come before you all to tell you that my journey on this World Race has come to an end. My journey throughout the past several months has been challenging in many ways, some of which I knew I would endure, and others I had no idea. While I have faced these challenges head on and have fought on the spiritual battlefield so intensely. I have finally come to a place of peace. As I battled, I wrestled with myself, with what I wanted and then I wrestled with God…and that is not something I would recommend because you will lose…no matter how big your muscles.
Training camp was where it all began and where mpst our squad met each other for the first time. It was great to finally see people in person after months of writing on the blog or talking on skype. Training camp for me overall kicked my butt like no ones business. One day I was out in the woods in such confusion and I made some phone calls back home trying to seek comfort and now looking back I realized I should have just come before God and just relied on Him to be my comforter. There was a voice or a whisper that kept telling me that this experience wasn’t for me and I felt that God really wanted to humble me by having to go home and tell my friends, family, and supporters that I would not be going on this trip. I heard this voice and I was like NO this can not be! This is what I have planned out for the next year and I shoved that voice far back in my mind, so I didn’t have to hear it anymore. This voice still crept up on me during the week and I know I had to do some serious praying…not just during the week, but when I went back home. I brought this to my team and during our team time I told them straight up that I wasn’t sure if I was going to see them again. They were supportive,understanding, and they continued to pray for me.
During that time being back home I’m not sure exactly what I did. My prayer was asking God if this is the right thing for me to do… by putting the money in my support account. Well as we know God brought me here, He provided, but He wasn’t finished. During launch I was excited to be in another country and I was ready to be out in the field with my team. God had his hand in the team formation because of who He placed on my team and just how we clicked with one another.
The first two months were great in so many ways, but they were also accomapanied by many challenges. I loved working with the kids in the D.R. and in Haiti. I loved being able to build various pieces of furniture for the orphanage in Haiti where we stayed. In all that there was a spiritual disconnect. We would attend the different church services and my team would have Bible study, but I would just sit there either going through the motions or just sit there. More of this came out during month 2 in Haiti, but it was hard for me to see at the time because I was doing good. I was seeing the fruits of my labor, I was taking pieces of wood and nailing them together creating something. This outward act of service blinded me and I was not able to look at the situation going on within. Looking back now, I continued to persevere, but only partially giving myself.
As we arrived here in Ireland I wasn’t looking forward to the Awakening at all, I wanted to be back out in the field serving people in whatever capacity I was called. During the conference, I attended the Kingdom Dreams session and as we sat in small groups we shared what our passions are and where we felt called to serve. I knew as soon as this question was brought to us that my passion is working with the youth in the States and encouraging them in their faith and to really dive into their relationship with the Lord. Now this of course was not something new, because it has been the ministry I have been involved with for the past several years and each year I love it even more. As I left the session I didn’t give this much thought, but it came to me later on throughout that day. I asked myself, “why I am here?” I was like, “well maybe I am suppose to see the nations. See God’s people how they live, love, and serve the Lord and bring what I learn back to the youth.” So I sat and wrestled with this throughout that week and continued to do so until recently.
We arrived at our ministry site here in Ireland and we would be staying at a Christian foster home which also houses missionaries at different times throughout the year. I was looking forward to being at this house because I had the opportunity to use my talents of building and being a handyman of sorts much like I did in Haiti. What I didn’t know is that I would be in for a surprise. The first couple of days were good just a bit overwelming thinking about all the work that needed to be done and if we would finish. I went outside each day putting on my game face ready to work, but I quickly just started going through the motions of waking up, eating, working, eating, working, etc. I put on my game face as I did the work just trying to find the joy in what I was doing, but it wasn’t happening. I knew something had to change and I knew I had to do some more serious praying. My prayer each day has continued to be “God continue to reveal your will to me and I want to be here to serve you and not serve myself”.
I took a day in prayer and God told me a few things: rest and be still then He also told me to read the Letter of James, which honestly I have never really read before. James 1: 2-8 really spoke to me, it talks about persevering through trials, asking God for the wisdom and He will give it to you, if you doubt you will be tossed around like you were caught in waves. Well this verse pretty much described me and foretold what would happen to me in the weeks to come. I left prayer like “”Ok God I just have to persevere through this trial”, but it didn’t stop there. As the days continued that voice, that whisper, came back louder than ever…pretty much saying that my time is up. I still continued to refuse at first, but then I brought it back to prayer. During prayer and throughout my day I heard God saying one thing and then I would fight it, doubt what I was hearing, and the battle ground was getting fierce. This battle went on strong for about 2 weeks and then this past friday through monday, it was on like donkey kong. It was such a heavy burden to be carrying even though I shared my struggles with my team. I have heard people say spiritual battle is exhausting and I never understood until now…I’ve been so tired and run down.
Peace has been found. When I was finally able to silence my own voice and listen to God there was this indescribable peace. My journey on this world race is over, but my race isn’t over. I will continue to persevere and continue to do what God is calling me to do. I have no regrets with coming on the race, for I know God is good and this journey helped prepare me for whatever God has next. I know the road ahead of me is not going to be easy and I am scared because I have no idea what’s going to happen when I get back. I am trusting in God because I thought I knew what I was doing for the next 11 months and we know what God thinks about our plans…He just laughs.
I truly thank everyone for your continual support prayerfully and financially throughout this trip. Know that your support does not go in vain I can already tell you that I have grown so much in the past 3 months and God will continue to reveal countless things that I have learned over the course of the next few weeks, months, and years. Your support will continue to help my friends that are on the race who are serving the nations. It will continue to help the people of the nations in countless ways by providing food, shelter, school supplies, supplies for sunday school, etc.
God has a plan for us all and and we have to be obiedient to His will and put our full trust in Him. “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.” -Jeremiah 29 :11. I know that God has a plan for me and I am ready for what He has next for me. God is Love.
Love and Peace
Jeff
