I will preface this by stating that this will by far be the longest blog I have posted yet. With that being said, I wanted to be sure that I expressed and explained the following day in the best way I could so that you can better understand how God has been working in me.
Our four day debrief in Bucharest was awesome. We were able to have time as a squad to relax and spend time together. We also had some intense worship sessions and teachings which energized our squad for the upcoming months. There was one day in particular that changed me and I know that I will look back at it as a milestone day in my spiritual life.
It was Thursday and our second day at debrief. In the morning we had a session of prayer and praise in addition to a teaching. For debrief, AIM (Adventures in Missions) sent a couple of staff (who are former Racers themselves) out to meet and encourage us. As we were praying before the teaching, Noe, who is one of the staff, prayed over me and said that I was free and that God created me to be who I am. He also told me not to be afraid of being great. It was encouraging to hear and it was just the beginning to an amazing day.
That afternoon my team had a team meeting with the staff and our squad leaders. As we were all talking about how we were feeling and how we wanted to grow over the next phase of the Race, I mentioned that I wanted to be more bold and courageous in my faith. We talked a little more and at the end of our session, Noe told us to get our coats and go outside with him. One, it was freezing and the last thing we wanted to do was stand out in the cold. Second, I somehow knew that this had something to do with me.
As we all stood outside, Noe said that he wanted to start helping me be bolder. My reaction; “Dang it!�. I knew what was about to happen. He told me that he wanted me to shout “I am a man of God� and “I am bold and courageous� as loud as I could in the streets of Romania. For those of you that know me, know that this is something majorly out of my comfort zone. I hate being vocal. After a lot of encouragement from my teammates, I finally let go and yelled it out. Not once, but about three or four times. They are encouraging me to use my voice more and to not hold back. This is something that I have been praying for and working on the past four months.
Throughout this whole shouting thing they kept comparing things to baseball. They kept reminding me that for baseball I had to work hard and be dedicated in order to be the best and that becoming more bold and courageous would not be easy. I needed to be dedicated to God to improve in my relationship with Him.
The day wasn’t over yet. That night we had another session and it was to be a night of worship and praise. Once everybody arrived, Nathan (who is one of our new squad leaders), called all 10 of us guys to the front of the room. He said that he was going to speak truth into us and call us “out and up�. As he was going through all of the guys, I was expecting everything to be all rosy and straight up encouragement. Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
It came time for me and he began by asking me why I wanted to come on the Race. I answered that I wanted to become closer to God and distance myself from the things that kept me from relying on God. His response to me was that I needed to be more open and free because I would not change as much as I would like to and that I would go home with just a nice experience with a few lessons along the way. Needless to say this wasn’t what I expected to hear but it was needed. It certainly isn’t easy to be called out in front of 50 plus people, but I wouldn’t have asked for a better place and time for it. He continued to say that I should not be afraid of what people think and that it’s not about me. I needed to stop making things about me. At first I felt a little defensive inside, but then it all made sense. By worrying about how I would appear to others and holding things back because I was afraid of what people may say, my focus was almost always on myself and that prevented me from remembering what life is really about. Life is about bringing glory to God.
I will admit that I feel inadequate at times and I have issues with comparing myself to others. Comparison is a prison that I am in a daily battle to break free from. God is a creator and not a duplicator. He created me to live a life that HE planned out for ME. I don’t need to constantly compare myself to others or be the best at anything and everything. I prayed that I would take Nathan’s words and not feel sorry for myself, but take them and better myself as a man of God.
I did feel a little defeated after what he said, but through prayer and many people approaching me and encouraging me that night, I was able to clearly see what God wanted me to see. It was a night of healing and freedom. It was a turning point in my Christian walk and a day that I will always refer to in my testimony. I am still processing things but I am excited to continue to seek God and find that freedom for which He created me.
Father, continue to mold and transform me into the man you want me to be. I will follow you wherever you lead me and I will be bold and courageous so that your name will be heard throughout the nations.
Glory to God forever.
