Today will start our second week of ministry in the form of camp with the kids. One month from today I'll turn 23, and I'm finally catching the slightest hunger and whisper of what it is to walk in integrity, character, and to be a man. For so long I've lived in a what you see is what you get kind of lifestyle but unfortunetly that lifestyle has included a direction of rebellion, self service, and a blatant need to flaunt my "freedom" in everyone's face. I look at George (our ministry contact), or I look at Bruce (our squad coach/dad) or Evan (our squad leader) and I see men who's reputations match their character and truthfully I want that. I've spent too long not caring about my reputation and trusting those who really take the time to get to know my heart will actually understand my true character but the problem with that mindset is it never allows you to gain influence and that's always been something I've taken pride in.
I want to know what true character looks like. I want to know what it really means to be a man. For a long time I wanted to be known as the miracle man. That transformed into being remembered as the empowerer, and then the lover. These days, I want to be remembered as the man who had true character. Not the self serving one with false motives, not the one preaching and then immediately afterwards kissing some girl, not the loudest, most obnoxious one who puts no thought into his words or always pushes boundaries, but the man of integrity who is known for being a safe and yet challenging place. All that first list were great things but without this last truth, they were/are all baseless and carry no depth.
I so badly don't want to leave this world or this squad the way I found it, but I need to start taking responsibility and making sure I leave both leagues better than I found them. It's time to start building from the ground up. No more patch jobs, just one clean sweep of a new build.
