So this is going to be more my angry rant than anything so if you're looking for something really raw and really real this is bound to be a really great post for you. I've spent all month wanting to save my Holy Spirit post for something really groundbreaking but I guess I don't always get what I want and with any luck, this'll bless somebody more than that would anyways.
I AM a revivalist. In my six years of being saved, I've seen literally hundreds of healings and hundreds of salvations, with probably just as many deliverances tossed into that mix. I've seen God come through again and again and again beyond anything I could ever even imagine. I've seen Him dissolve tumors, grow knee caps, make metal disappear from peoples bodies, I've even had the honor of meeting and befriending people who've been raised from the dead, some multiple times. (That may freak some of you out or make you uncomfortable but right now I'm ok with that and need to be raw so I can't sit around and sensor this in a way that makes sure I don't hurt anybody's feelings based on their doctrines, I'm sorry for that and I don't mean to be dishonoring.) I have, and have had, a firm believe that the Bible IS TRUTH and that even when reality doesn't line up with that…whatever, because God's truth supercedes our reality and it's our job as christians to make that truth a kingdom reality on this earth. That means I can't let my experience dictate what I believe or what I pray into, win or lose, I HAVE to believe that God's word is true 100% of the time and go after it until I see it become reality.
What a fantastic mindset…..especially when it works more often then it doesn't…. So what on earth do you do when suddenly you go on a stream of nothing but defeats again and again and again…. It happened to me this time last year and I burnt out and ran from God for close to a year… I'm back now and with more fire and more determination than I had back then even and yet I'm finding myself in a similar situation as before where I seem to be having defeat after defeat after defeat and people can try and just tell me "oh, it must have been God's will" all they want but I'm done listening to that…. It's not scriptural…it goes against the Rhema word of God and therefore it's a lie from the pit of hell. I refuse to be a part of a faith or movement that accepts lack or defeat as something we just have to put up with….That's not what my God says, that's not what I'm called to, and last time I checked I live for a God who said IT IS FINISHED, and that the keys to the kingdom have been handed to us and that's what I will live with….
If that's the case…. why am I praying for people and not seeing them get healed? Why, in the last three weeks, have I prayed with all my heart for two different people and watched them die? Why is my sister's husband still going through with the divorce even though I've done nothing but declare restoration over that relationship? Why am I having to stay up all night tonight in prayer again for one of my spiritual moms who is currently in ICU and has been given 48 hours to live?? NONE OF THAT IS BIBLICALLY ACCEPTABLE! Sure, God can work things together for His good but you can't go and tell me that THIS is the way He wanted it and THIS is His will? I'm tired of seeing things that are of the devil, accredited to God. If the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy, don't try telling me that the God who came to give life, and life more abundantly is responsible for the broken heart of my 2 year old niece who just found out that her parents that love her more than life itself are seperating, or that the death of a 17 month old baby was God's way of "teaching" her loved ones something. The Bible says that it's THE HOLY SPIRIT WHO LEADS US INTO ALL TRUTH AND ALL TEACHING so…..unless we're suddenly calling the Holy Spirt a spirit of infirmity then that doesn't make any sense… The pharisees tried something like that…. they said Jesus cast out demons by the spirit of Beelzebub and that SO didn't workout well for them and if God's not a respector of persons, how can we expect to be treated any different if we do the same thing?
Even if….all of that is reality….I still have to trust and believe that God is good….and that He is all that He says He is…. because if even one thing we hold as biblical truth isn't always actually the case then that means that God's a liar….and God can't be a liar or else none of it's true… So what do I do with something like this? I know God's truth but I'm not seeing it happen in my life…. I can't just go out and change my beliefs or form doctrines to fit with what I'm seeing and yet….I can't stay here, things can't keep going the way they're going… I come from Bethel Church in Redding, CA and my Pastor Bill Johnson talks about how they have such a specific mandate that Bethel is to be a cancer free zone…..and they see cancer get healed all the time….and yet his dad ended up dying of cancer…. He describes it as having pushed with all his might against a thousand pound boulder and seeing no movement but the thing was that after gaining all the strength from pushing against that thousand pound boulder, after that whenever someone came to him with a 500 pound boulder, he had the strength to pick that thing up and just chuck it…
God I need that right now…. because what this is doing….it's not in any way getting me mad at you…but I have such a fire and such a hatred/anger built up against the devil right now….that he could even begin to THINK that he could come after those I love and get away with it… Here's my mandate… in WWII the germans had a rule that anytime someone in a town would kill a nazi, the nazi's would take 50-100 of the people from the town and bring them into the woods and shoot them all. Devil…. for every person you try and kill, steal, or destroy in my life….. I WILL take 50-100 of your children from you and we're going to get to such a point of hurt over your life that you will WISH you never had the stupid idea to touch me and mine…. In the movie Achilles, Hector kills Achilles' cousin, thinking it was Achilles' himself and Agamemnon, the king of Greece, says "That boy's death may have just won us the war." Count on that being the case here devil because you will not shut me down, but you've sure as hell infuriated to me and I will spend my life going after you and yours, being in the fight because I enjoy the fight, win or lose, because I know it'll hurt you….. You should have killed me when you had the chance.
Devil….you should have killed me when you had the chance.
