So how do I explain it? How do I summarize the past 11
months? How is that even possible?
I have come to the conclusion that
it isn’t. There is no way to write a cute little blog wrapping up what I have
experienced during this journey. What I will do is continue to actually write
blogs about all the experiences and memories I have from the past months. I am
committing to writing at least a blog a week. I know the timing seems off
because we are supposed to be doing that anyway but I have had time to process
and am ready to share. I’m going to share EVERYTHING! All the emotions,
precious moments, hard times, good times, embarrassing times, and everything in
between. I will be completely transparent and vulnerable. Two characteristics
that I must admit I did not bestow pre-race.
What I can say for now is YES, I am
different. I am the same Jeannie in some aspects but expect to see changes.
Changes for the better, changes that needed to occur in my life in order for
growth and healing to have taken place. And boy oh boy I needed A LOT of
healing. See, for most all my life I was that girl that responded with, “I’m
fine,” or “Everything is ok.” When most of the time it wasn’t. There were
problems and pain. There was also a little girl screaming on the inside, I’m
not as strong as I seem. We all have “junk” in our lives. I’m no exception. I
didn’t have the perfect childhood and I wasn’t the most popular or the star
cheerleader. I just held everything in.
Guess what? When you sign up for a
community like the World Race you say goodbye to holding everything in and
carrying the burden all alone. I entered into a family that said: Jeannie, we
love you despite it ALL. And when they said ALL, they meant ALL. I have shared
stories, experiences, trials, and victories. You name it and I have shared it.
These people have become my family. They love me enough to carry some of my
burden. They cover me in prayer and encouragement. They also call out the
things in me that could be better. How else could I grow and change if actual
change doesn’t occur? In doing so, I know it all comes from a love they have
for me. Does it sometimes hurt? Yes. Is it sometimes embarrassing? Yes. Has it
made me better and refined me? Absolutely!
What now? Now I reenter “life.” My
family, supporters, friends, and community wait. I enter back into my old world
where things are just different. Community will be different. We hear from just
about every Alum Word Racer that re-entry is hard. I can prepare myself as best
as I know but I will need help from YOU. I’m not even sure what that help
should look like. I’m asking every one of you to cover me in prayer. Pray for discernment
regarding the next step in my life is. Pray for direction. Pray for my family.
Pray for financial favor (missionaries aren’t exactly rollin’ in the dough!)
Pray I walk out the call that God has placed on my life, and please pray that I
see the dreams Jesus has for me!
I give all of you permission to go
deeper with me. I open my heart to deeper more meaningful relationships. Ask me
the hard questions, challenge me to be better, and insist I walk more Christ
like every day. There will be mistakes and there will be errors. Have grace
with me. I promise to extend the same grace our Father has given to me the best
I can to you.
Thank you all for supporting me
through this incredible journey. Thank you for praying for me and loving me.
Thank you for having grace when I don’t post blogs regularly, lol. I have one week left at final debrief with
the squad then I am stateside again. I look forward to sharing more with you in
the weeks to come so stay tuned!
