So lately I’ve been reading a lot in the Old Testament. In Nepal, I wondered how much of my view of God has been skewed by what I hear in songs, sermons, and podcasts. None of these things are bad, but when I’m going through a situation, I want to recall scriptures, the infallible Word of God, not a Bethel song. (note: I love Bethel Music) I want to know that when push comes to shove, I know who God is because I’ve seen it in His Word, not just hoping that what Pastor so-and-so said is correct. I’ve found that, while I’ve always been a proponent of finding truth through the Bible and not just because someone says it, it’s easier for my views to be manipulated than I would like to admit. Hence, spending some in depth time in the Old Testament, asking God to reveal Himself to me and let me know who He really is and who He isn’t.
To say the last few months have been interesting would be an understatement. In the process of God showing me more about Himself, He has also shown me things about me that I would hate to admit are true. He’s shown me area after area that I refuse to fully surrender to Him. He’s shown me where my weak spots are and challenged me to let Him fix them. I’ve been urged to look at who God has called righteous, even when I would say they screwed up royally and try to look at myself through God’s eyes instead of mine.
When God tells Ezekiel that he has to lock himself in his house, only speak when the Spirit speaks through him, lay on his left side for 390 days, his right side for 40 days, bake bread a certain way with human feces as fuel and cut off all his hair and beard and burn it, I had to consider why. Today’s church wants everything to be all love, all the time. What we sometimes fail to realize is that God’s love can look completely different than ours. It transcends our love.
As I read Ezekiel, I kept thinking about what Paul says in Romans. Now I’ve heard people quote Romans 8:32 saying God wants to freely give us all things, but they forget the first part of that verse, “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all…” Do I think I’m better than Jesus that I should be treated better? When things don’t go my way, why do I worry or get upset? I know God cares about all the little details and He knows how many hairs are on my head, but what if there is something more important than my #1 priority? God knows what I need, and sometimes I think He may just have a bigger picture than my snapshot.
Looking at who God is, since the beginning, tells a story of a father who is constantly trying to win back his children. He showed grace and mercy to countless people throughout the Bible. When people deliberately disobeyed Him and He said He would kill them unless they repented, he always showed grace when they humbled themselves. He gave up His own Son so we could be with Him again. If that doesn’t scream “love” I don’t know what does.
So back to Ezekiel. Instead of complaining about all the things God was asking him to do, he only asks that God not ask him to defile himself. (Ezekiel was either cray cray…or faithful) So God tells him, OK, I’ll give you cow dung instead. Interesting. So what do you do in your own life when God’s grace and mercy gives you cow dung?
I wrestled with this myself as I argued with God about what I’m supposed to do after the race. I still don’t have an answer and I get frustrated that He won’t simply spell it out for me. When do I claim the promises of God, and when do I accept Poo-fried-bread? I don’t know if I’ll ever see a definitive line but the theme I keep seeing is that God will do anything and use anyone to fulfill his purpose of getting His kids back. 2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.” It makes me look at my life a little differently. If God calls me to continue living an uncomfortable life so that He can use me to reach more people, do I really want to complain that things aren’t going my way? What if things not going my way is really the best way? What if cow dung is the best? Will I still see the love of God when it looks different than what I think love should look like?
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I am still trying to meet my final deadline, so if you would like to help me finish the last 3 months of the race, please prayerfully consider donating to my account today. Thanks!
