To my future squad mates and team mates:
I will keep it 100% real with you. I can be difficult to get along with at times. I am crazy, I am bossy, I can be moody, sometimes impatient. I can be too noisy, or too quiet. I can be too much to take at one time. I can be pushy when I don’t get my way and sometimes Im a “know it all”. I can talk too much or not enough. I laugh WAY too much and have inappropriate humor. I am VERY sarcastic and laugh at the wrong things. I am very competitive and love playing games too much. Im not a morning person, sometimes I love sleep too much. I hate noise in the morning. I can be quick to tell you exactly how I feel without regard to your feelings. Im usually not quite what you first perceive me to be. Im very independent and sometimes a loner. I have a huge problem with pride. I am at times a hypocrite and a liar. Im messy, and sometimes lazy. I can often dismiss people and not realize im doing it. Sometimes I dont recognize personal space and other times I don’t even want to be looked at or talked to. There are so many sides to who I am and I can get frustrated when I feel no one understands me.
BUT I BELIEVE IN A GOD WHO ORDERS MY STEPS AND YOURS. And I believe that he has brought us together for such a time as this. I believe through you all, He will begin to mold me and shape me into the woman of God he has called me to be. I believe He has placed you all in my life at this specific time for a specific purpose. I believe you will teach me, stretch me, press me, push me, annoy me, excite me, challenge me, rebuke me, change me, break me, build me, pray with me, and teach me to love in a way that I have never been able to love before.
So today I pled with you all as my family in Christ to not give up on me. I ask that You will continually fight for me as a I fight for you. I know I have a problem with checking out when things aren’t going the way I wish for them to go. I am scared that I will spend this race not being fully invested in every experience God brings to me. I want to give my whole heart to every ministry opportunity that comes my way. I want to push through the hard times and the awkwardness of getting to know new people. I want to get to know each of you on a deeper level. I want to be intentional in my pursuit of building encouraging and nurturing relationships with people I find difficult to get along with. I can easily fall into bitterness or self-righteousness if I find myself in a ministry or working with people that I just don’t “click with”. But I ask that you fight for me on the days that I am being “hard to love”. I ask that you teach me how to fight for YOU. Teach me how to step outside of myself and learn how to relate to you in a way that you understand.
So I ASK you, GIVE YOU PERMISSION to, BEG YOU to – Tell me to be quiet when I talk too much or am saying things that are not edifying, correct me when I am wrong, check me when you see me not being present and in the moment, call me out when im complaining, be patient and merciful with me as God is working out the rough areas in my life, laugh with me, play games with me, be silly with me, talk to me, listen to me, cry with me, vent with me.
Most of all, I ask that you Trust in God and know that HE IS working in me, molding me , shaping me and smoothing out the rough edges. Know he is not through with me yet. And I pray that you will walk with me through this Journey.
Trust that you are my sisters and brothers in Christ and know that I am here for you as I will Trust that you are there for me too.
Love you all S squad
Jeanette
