i am the only one that can send myself to hell. i am the only hinderance in my walk with Christ. my desires, my sin, my flesh, my pride, my selfish ambition, my entitlement, my level of self worth. it’s only me in the way.
i deem myself too important and soar over the mark. or i fall a mile short.
“mark” being where my relationship with Christ should be. in both situations, i am still at fault. not God. not anyone else. me.
going over the mark is believing satan when he says i have all i need within myself. which is far from truth. i have absolutely no worth without Christ. i am not sufficient within my own borders, i am sufficient when my reliance is on God. conceit & pride are not filling fruits, they’re satan ordained rotten ones.
when i go over the mark it’s typically because i am so lavished in my pride that i put myself before God. a pride that idolizes and conceits me. a pride that makes me impatient. a pride that tells me i am more significant than those around me. a pride that blinds me. a pride that sucks the empathy out of me. a pride that loathes. a pride that judges. a pride that has the world’s biggest log in it’s eye yet it only sees the log in others’ eyes.
& falling short is when i believe satan’s words that the world provides fulfillment. which is false. the world can only satisfy temporarily because the world is temporary.
when i am falling short it’s typically because i’m dappling in popularity. when i start caring what people think of me, i become insecure. i lose all sense of confidence. i forget who the Lord says i am. i become judgmental. physical things overpower me. i lose my identity. fear becomes my beckoning place. i am never enough during this time because i place my life in my own hands and in the hands of those around me instead of placing it in God’s.
the thing is, whether i fall short or am too much, it’s my fault. He trusts me enough to give me the choice. He doesn’t want vain relationships, He wants sold out, passionate ones. He will never force me to choose Him. He knows how we are; He knows our human nature doesn’t want to do anything it’s told to do, so He gives us freewill and leaves the decision up to us.
Lord, i love You. Lord thank you for who You are. thank you for Your character. thank you Lord for paying attention and caring about me. thank you God for loving me. thank you God for knowing me. thank you God for choosing me. even when i don’t choose You. thank you God for being constant. thank you Lord for reminding me that i am enough when i’m insecure. thank you Lord for holding me when i’m falling short. thank you Lord for Your loving conviction when i’m full of myself. thank you God for Your ever presence. thank you God for the fact that there is not a place that i’ll go that You’ve not already stood. i love You Father, God. all the praise and honor and glory and credit be Yours. You’re awesome. amen.
