This is an Honest Post

This is an honest post. 
I’ve confronted many struggles recently in a search to be more of who I was created to be. It’s been wonderful but so painful. Not only to realize how screwed up I am but to heal and grow as well…that’s tough stuff.
I have a habit of running from people. Anytime I feel like God is working in my life or I’m about to confront issues within myself, I attempt to be alone for a period of time. And it isn’t even an introvert thing for me anymore. It was an “I don’t want people to see the messy side of me so….peace out til I’m not so messy” kind of thing. For the most part, in my past, I’ve only ever learned by making mistakes. Not deliberately making them but within the process I end up making mistakes. Though I’ve had the privilege of making most of them without people knowing.
There’s a book I’m reading now called Scary Close (you should totally read it) and it is about being honest and vulnerable in order to find true intimacy through your relationships. And I came across this in the book which applies perfectly to what I’m going through right now…
“I don’t trust people to accept who I am in process. I’m the kind of person who wants to present my most honest, authentic self to the world – so I hide backstage and rehearse honest and authentic lines until the curtain opens.”~Donald Miller
That was incredibly convicting for me. I do that. I try figuring everything out on my own so no one can judge me along the way. The thought triggers in my head that I won’t be accepted and that scares the crap out of me. 
So the past few days I’ve forced myself to stop hiding backstage and let people see me while I’m processing (even though I’d much rather be camping by myself). 
And so far I’ve experienced love, acceptance and peace. I couldn’t have felt fully loved by people because they weren’t loving the real me. They only loved what they could see. 
This also has been helping me to weed out people who are not meant to be in my life. No one is a terrible person and I’m still learning this about myself. If you get closer to the core of who you were created to be, you will only come to see good things because you were created wonderfully. So strip off those layers, however painful and convicting, and heal. And as much as I am needing encouragement to stay true to myself, I encourage you to break out of any pretty shells you’ve got going on. You can do this by opening up to people you trust and just being yourself.
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed.” ~James 5:16
Let me be clear…this is not easy. But it is worth it. Allow people to be apart of the process. God longs for us to have relationships not just knowing we are loved by Him but we should be loved by our neighbors.

Going on the Race is probably going to be the hardest most needed thing I need in order to grow and stay honest. I will be surrounded but loving people, encouraging me to be who I am even when that makes no sense to me. And even though that scares the crackers out of…I’m stoked. 🙂 

This is a super sweet band filled with wonderful people and this song hits home for me right now. Read the lyrics! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S96QA_8Gi2o