Last night was hard for me. I was praying all day about certain things. Having conversations with different people about different things. But none of that fully hit until that night….
During the session, we started off with worship as a group. But something was definitely different this time. As worship was finishing up, a squad member sat down beside me and told me about a vision. She told me that there was a pickaxe, a pack, and a rope. The rope was tied securely to the side of the mountain. But what made my head spin in circles was that the vision was for me. She finished by saying, “It’s okay if you fall because the rope is there to catch you.” Holy crap. What am I supposed to do with that?? So, I sat there thinking about it but the next thing we did was to give encouragements to someone God puts on our heart.
While this was happening, I had another conversation with a couple of the leaders about an earlier conversation. As I went back in and grabbed my journal, our mentor handed me a card with a word on it just for me. I wrote in my journal and talked with someone about clarification (I have a tendency to make things different than what they actually are). When I got the clarification I needed, I just sat there but I read that card and it said “Break through.” Okay??? What does that mean?
Well, by the end of this you’ll know, as I sitting there a couple different people came up to me and shared. One person gave me Psalms 62:6, which is my verse of the year now. The other person told me that whatever I may be going through ‘it’s okay.’ To sum her words up is that there is a reward at the end of the tunnel. Again, what does this mean? I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what your voice sounds like. I don’t know.
At this point, I feel lost and not really sure what I need to do. Our coach looked at me and told me that this is the time that I find my voice. No joke, right after he was telling me this another guy on our squad came up to me. He had this vision that there was this high dive with a pool right below. In my mind, I’m thinking where is this going. I’ve already taking a few punches (all in a good way). He finished with I’m standing on the high dive or diving board just waiting. My coach heard every single word of this and said that this is what I’m telling you. I’m rolled on the floor, pounding on the ground with my fist because I know they are right. I just got KO by God.
In all honesty, it is what I really needed. I walked over to one of the girls on my team and was talking with her. But before I started saying words, I started to tear up. Then as I was sharing I was crying. Its probably been close to 14 or so years since I have cried like that. It was good for the both of us but really I felt like it was more for me. She was sharing things back with me saying things but then she said this word ‘break through.’ I broke. I felt this sense of peace come over me. (As I am writing this I’m starting to get teary eyed.) I’m not use to this. Other people were so excited that this was happening. My team leader was stoked because I was talking with her earlier in the day or the day before and was sharing about how I don’t share emotions and then it happens.
Today though something interesting was said. As we get to our new hostel for the week and get settled in one of my teammates said that I was unusually positive today. When you are walking in freedom from chains that Satan has held you in, you gain the joy that God gives us. If I am completely honest with you, I have never felt happier and better in my life. Now its time to really figure out what God’s voice sounds like for me.
Please pray my team and I as we go to the Chinese Embassy to apply for visas so we can go to China. Also, pray that I will understand what His voice sounds like in my life, what my voice sounds like, and that I continue to step out in faith and obey what he says.
