To my H.E.A.R.T friends, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I gave up at the end. It wasn’t fair to either of us. I tried to keep myself in the community for the longest time, but I failed. As I entered the World Race, I knew it was going to be a similar experience (this time for 11 months). You guys have taught me a lot. I want to thank you all personally for every experience you gave me during our time together. I don’t regret anything that happened because without it I wouldn’t be a better version of myself. THANK YOU to each student there with me, each staff member I got to talk with, and each professor for everything you taught me. You guys are truly incredible and have made an impact on my life. So, if any of yall read this please share with the others.
I feel like so much as happened already and it’s only the beginning. God is definitely working on my heart, even as I sit here and type this. I’ve spent many days and possibly years thinking ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m not worthy enough.’ Being in my own head sucks. I’m my biggest enemy. I bring the most shame upon myself without the help of anyone else. This is an ongoing battle every day. For those of you that know… I was asked to be a Logistics leader with an incredible person, Emily Scott. (Side note go check out her blogs emilyscott.theworldrace.org) The moment I agreed to serve my squad in this way, I made the mistake of saying “Why me?” I’m one of the youngest out of everyone and they are trusting me to do this job. I’m not worthy enough to serve like this. God told me through other people the opposite of what I tell myself.
These next 10 months are going to be challenging. Trying to get out of my head is the hardest thing that’s going to happen. It’s not about if I’m not good enough. It’s about who I’m doing it for. I’m not here to glorify myself. I’m here to focus and glorify the Man Upstairs. He knows its time for me to be broken and I think that is why he opened the door for me to come here. It’s time. Time for change. Time to be broken. Time to feel your true love. Time to surrender. These motions that I am going through isn’t good enough. You deserve so much more. You have put these people in my life to challenge me to become a better Jesus follower and allow me to know what living in a Christian community feels like.
To my team right now, if you are reading this, yall are wonderful. I am asking you right now to challenge me each and every day. One-on-ones are best but whenever you feel like I have something please say something. Encourage me to be bold. Encourage me to ‘rise up’ to the task that God has given us. I know I am a quiet person, but you can help me change that. But there will be times that I need to be alone and I will let you know. I want to be all in. Thank you all for being patient with me. There will be a time when I let everything go and yall would be the first people there.
To my squad, thank you. I don’t think I can say this enough but thank you for letting me serve yall. Even when things are getting crazy on travel days, feel free to come up to me and talk. Most times, I would probably need it. Challenge me to press in. Encourage Emily and I. We are going to need it!! Allow us to share our hearts with you if we need.
God is about to do something crazy in my life. Honestly, I don’t know what it is, but He’s got something. Please pray for me to recognize what it is. Pray that I’ll ‘rise up’ to the challenges. Pray that I will become his ‘powerhouse.’ Also, pray for the financials to come in to help me continue in this ministry. I want to say thank you to everyone that has supported me this far. I will do my best to keep uploading photos on here.
