So as I write this, it is 10:32 on the 25th of July. Tomorrow, the team and I will be leaving our ministry, New Hope for Orphans, and we will be traveling to Phnom Penh where we will spend the next 2 days before we fly back to America. Though I lay here writing up a blog, still needing to pack FYI, so many emotions are running through my mind.
So like I said, we leave our ministry tomorrow. I keep telling myself to prepare for all the goodbyes we are going to have to say. All the tears that are going to be shed. I’m actually about to cry now just thinking about it all. I love these kids, and I never, ever want to leave them. Spending a whole month with them, living where they do, sleeping like they sleep, eating what they eat. How couldn’t I build a strong bond with them?
Tomorrow is, quite possibly, going to be the second hardest day on this entire trip. The first will be revealed in a future blog. I’m not ready, but it’s coming. It’s coming so quick.
. . . . .
It is now 10:12 on the 26th of July. The team and I are now in Phnom Penh at our hostel.
Today was a difficult one. I actually could never put it into words about how difficult it was. We said our goodbyes to the most beautiful souls that I’ve ever come into contact with. I’ve spent a majority of the day looking back at the pictures I’ve taken with them throughout the past 2 days. Their smiles are breaking my heart. Knowing that I’m not going to be waking up tomorrow hearing one of those kids call my name, run up and give me a hug, or slap me on the back is tearing me up. Watching the videos that were taken and hearing their laughter. Seeing absolute joy in their eyes. Their names keep ringing in my mind. Tua. Ceta. Cina. Srey Mao. Kanha. Ly Haeng. Nea. Srey Chen. Nun. Suknaih. Sumnong. Kao. I have no idea if those are the correct spellings, but I know exactly how to say them. I find myself wishing I had just one more day with them just so I could tell them how much they are loved. How much they are cared for. How much God is doing for them. I’m sitting here on an actual bed in an AC filled room, but I would honestly give it away just to spend one more night at that orphanage. Those kids are worth it. They were worth every second. Every drop of sweat. Every ounce of annoyance. And every tear. Like I said prior, this was certainly one of the hardest days that will happen on this trip.
But ya know what, this is ministry. Usually we hear about all the amazing stories we experience, and about the unbelievable things that God did and taught us. But that isn’t all. We could never forget the hurt. The hurt of leaving the ones we spent time with. The ones we built relationships with. The ones we’ve come to love in such short time. The ones who we came to impact, but ended up impacting us more.
These kids taught me more than I thought they would. Firstly, they taught me what it looks like to be carefree. No matter the time or how hot it was, they were so full of energy when I felt completely drained. They never failed to brighten up my spirit or make me wanna jump around with them. Secondly, I got a glimpse of what true happiness looks like. Like I said before, I got to experience what it’s like to live like they do. Sleeping on hard floors, having rice for almost every meal, dealing with chickens constantly. The only thing I couldn’t experience was their family situation. Either having no parents, been given up on, or their parents can’t afford to keep them, I couldn’t experience that. Despite their situation. Despite what they went through. Their eyes, their smiles, and their hearts displayed happiness and joy that could only be given by the Lord. Which leads me to my third lesson. These kids taught me passion for the Lord. They constantly played the song “Bless the Lord,” and they even have a dance to go along with it. They loved worshipping with us in the morning before English class so much that they wanted to listen to the same songs an excessive amount. We taught them a Bible verse each week we were with them, and I had some kids come up to me and try to say the verse throughout each week. God is working in these kids. Working in so many wondrous ways. Ways that I wish I could stay and watch, but I know that I may never get to see these children again.
It breaks my heart, but like I said: this is ministry. The hardest goodbyes always comes and goes to the ones you love, and these were some of the hardest goodbyes I’ve done yet. I also know that, very soon, even harder goodbyes will have to be said, but let’s not think about that right now.
So here I am, holding back the tears that I have yet to let go. Remembering everything about those kids. Looking down and seeing the things they made for me. Their smiles are forever engraved into my mind. I’m never going to forget them. I’m never going to stop loving them. They touched my heart so much, and I can only hope that I touched their hearts about half as much as they touched mine.
So Lord, I pray for those children. Every single one of them. Continue to bless them. Continue to give them Your joy. Continue to love them. Continue to pour out Your grace to them. You know how beautiful they are being You created them and all. Thank you. Thank you for them and for their hearts. Thank you for the love that they have. For the passion. For the energy. Thank you Lord for giving me this opportunity to meet them. To get to know them. To love them. Thank you that it hurt so bad to say goodbye. Because if it wasn’t hard, I would feel unaccomplished. Thank you again Lord.
