Well I thought the last blog was going to be the last but it is funny how world race life hasn't stopped yet, therefore deserving another blog. It has been a little more than 40 days since landing in JFK and I have slept at my house only a handful or two of nights, not consecutively I might add. I haven't really stopped moving since being home but I can't explain how it feels so natural and truly comforting. It might be a little unhealthy in the sense of not stopping to fully process the total mind scramble I just went through. Clearly I really don't know where I am going with this blog except for the bomb I am dropping on those of you still following me, even after the race. Here's what I can tell you, even though I spent 11 months literally in all the same situations as 3 other people, their experience this year was still completely different than mine. As much as I would like AIM to feature one of my blogs one day so my words could possibly provide clarity or even help in preparation to future racers or missionaries in general, it doesn't strike me as a likely outcome of my scatter brained and un-topiced blogs. Yet is doesn't matter what blogs you read or if they are feature or not, your experiencing God is going to be different than anyone else's. However this blog is another one of those stories about coming home from the mission field and having travel fever, restless person syndrome, or the age old ants-in-my-pants.
I made the decision during the last few months of the race to attend project searchlight, a conference for World Race Alumni. To my pleasant surprise AIM made this week long seminar truly about us and our next steps whether it be with them or not. In being home from the field I have been able to see my wrongly directed displeasures and probably wrongly assumed causes about Adventures In Missions. AIM is amazing at what they do and what they do is provide avenues for men and woman of all ages to enter the nations as servants of God. The things I had been putting on AIM were really things specific to the world race, not because it is a bad program, in fact it is a very good one, but as it has been said, "The world race is drinking from a fire hose right now." Honestly I think this is a great problem to have; the fact they are growing so fast they can't hardly keep up and have so much draw to this generation says a lot about this program. For those people out there who think this is a cult, I can assure it is not, it is something genuinely good henceforth having a draw to a generation which cares. Back to the fire hose part. This is where I can say my wrongly assumed notions came from. The World Race division is doing their best to keep up with their rate of growth but it is hard. It did become frustrating having things constantly changing and so inconsistent but it is the only way the WR could keep up, besides change is a part of the WR culture anyway. Therefore, if I had to be the guinea pig so young men and women may continue to have the best possible experience on the WR I am glad it was me instead.
As I said, I spent all 11 months with only 3 people, all of the other 49 people were not a part of my daily life for the entirety of the trip. So let me try to describe this situation to you. Here in the USA we have a government which, due to laws, dictates most peoples actions. To make it more personal, we also have a specific society which even further dictates peoples social interactions, general demeanor when publicly viewed and society can even have an impact on peoples private lives and their actions outside of public view. The government says driving over a certain speed is not OK and most people follow it. Our society says it is not OK to tell someone they are overweight or wearing ugly clothing. Now go somewhere with none of these guide lines or social parameters; none of the typical and often overlooked parts of our society existed in many of these places. The only thing left to govern me, outside of the AIM rules and clearly God, are those three people whom are now my only semblance of a western society. To say the least, I liked it better with those three as my society than the one I returned to here in the States.
There really is no lifestyle to compare to the one of a fast paced missionary. Though I may not be on a path which continues the fast paced missionary lifestyle, the intention is to continue the missionary portion. A society where people love unconditionally yet aren't afraid of your feelings is something I have longed for since my misfit years. I am not under the belief this type of society is impossible here, but I know my calling is in the nations. It is coincidentally fitting for those two lifestyles to be one in the same if the ladder is to be executed. I don't know what to say other than all my avenues are going to the Philippines right now. And as God puts up a "Road Closed" sign on one road I will continue my journey from one avenue to the next until I find the one with green lights and my escort. I haven't found it yet regardless of my wants and strongest desires but I know the path God has prepared for me is spectacular. Days continue to pass and I find my joy in the LORD everyday because it is He who gives me the strength to continue waiting.
I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given to continue working with AIM even if I continue to be turned away. My hope and my prayer is to be a part of something big with AIM but I must remember my schedule is not His. Though I am content here, I am also very impatient and always have been. Patience is something I have been asking for since I was in middle school and continue to ask for especially now. It had been my request for my team to pray for patience while on the WR and it was often met with a question or sarcastic remark, even though I didn't know what the patience was for either; however, I know now. Hopefully I will soon have an answer to my avenue dilemma at which point you will all be informed.
As He leads me,
Jason
