“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
James 1:2-3
Joy is such a great and wonderful thing. If you have it. It’s difficult to face joy head on when you are dealing with things of this world that are taxing, simply exhausting. God calls us to be joyful and faithful, it’s hard to be that way when the enemy has taken your joy. Trials of many kinds are so terrifying when the enemy makes God feel so far away. When the presence of the Lord feels like it’s missing from your life. When your fire is just dying embers. It’s difficult to have joy.
Towards the end of October came some difficulties in my life. Some trials. The enemy was coming at me from every angle. I was simply overwhelmed, exhausted, burned- out. All my life felt like it was falling apart in a mere two weeks. The devil began to attack my family life, changing everything we’ve learned to become over the last year or so, all the strength we built simply gone. In school and work I am forced to face bad people who seem to have it out for me. Even attacks on myself, the way I viewed myself physically and mentally I was a mess. I was in no place to be doing what I was doing. In no place to be in a relationship. I simply lost the joy that came from serving in ministries. My heart was heavy and burdened. With pain comes the unconscious want to hurt people, and I’m so sorry for anyone I hurt. I’m praying they forgive me and that God gives them healing. I couldn’t handle everything anymore, so I took the month of November off. I stopped serving in the ministries I had been serving in. I stopped loving being apart of my church. How could I have continued going and serving feeling the way I was? I had no joy in these things, no care for them. With a break I wanted to take charge of my spiritual life. I wanted my fire back. I wanted my joy. I wanted to feel Gods presence again. The only thing I could really do was trust the Lord. I started even more devotionals I simply dove into the word. I dove into the friendships that brought me the most comfort, and least amount of judgement. The people who were simply there for me, there just to hang out and not ask questions. It’s not that others weren’t there for me it’s simply that I needed to take a step back.
I had to figure out a way to be back where I was. I was so desperate for His presence, I missed it. I still do.
I realized this month how the world is not a place for joy. It’s a place for fleeting Happiness. I realized that in all reality we can’t be joyful on our own. We can’t lean on our own understanding. We can’t make our own joy. Today as I was reading my devotional this verse came up:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
John 15:9-11
So even when you face trials remain in Gods love. Remain in his unending mercy. Forever trust in Him. I am still working on returning to true joy and love, but as I do I pray that you remember that our God is a big God. He is bigger than the enemy, He is bigger than our fears, our worries, and our insecurities. Find yourself in Him and your Joy will be there too.
I know that God is preparing me for anything I am going to face on this long 9 months. I hope that you will continually be praying for me as I am for you. Thank you so much.
