I remember a time when I was a kid, watching all the commercials from different organizations about how your 1 dollar can change a life. You would see the spokesperson holding a little child, the camera would zoom in, and you could see the dirt, scars, flies, skin and bones from malnourished children. I would walk away from the TV feeling sad, because they shouldn't have to live like this. I remember being so emotionally stirred up from these commercials that I wanted to be there physically and help, but being a little boy, I remember being frightened from these images, seeing how awful everything looked and really at the end of the day I wouldn't go even if the way was provided.
I never thought, many years later, that Jesus would make this a reality for me. I am here in person and close up to their reality. When I got here, I couldn't believe this. "I can't handle this Jesus!" I gagged a couple of times from the sights, sounds and smells. I remember thinking to myself, "This is not normal, no person should live this way, not under a bridge above polluted water, not in a charcoal factory breathing in smoke all day,” but they do and I am here for a month. This is their life every day. I go home, but they stay, not for a month, but for the rest of their lives. I just came from Central America and thought I had an idea what poverty is, but really it was the Lord opening my eyes, preparing me for the Philippines. You know what? I wasn't ready for all of this. I don't know what it is. I just don't get it when I look at all of this.
Swimming pool full of garbage
Comfy Foam Mattress
A hearty meal
Charcoil Factory, a breath of fresh air
I am not sure if these pictures do justice for you, but I can honestly say you might or might not want to experience poverty like this up close.
Me, all of my life, I was a fixer. I wanted to fix peoples’ broken stuff, if it was asking my siblings if they are ok, from who knows what. Or, maybe it was an argument with a friend wanting to fix their broken heart. I was that little boy in the class room, looking at the kid beside me who just wrecked his piece of art and helping him fix it, and then I would get the bad grade because my work wasn’t done.
The best fix it story I remember is gluing back on the broken arm on my Ninja Turtle action figure, the one my little brother just played with and broke. I wanted to glue my brother’s hands to his head. Sometimes after he broke them, I told him he couldn’t play with my Ninja Turtle toys. So, now being older and a man, I am still that little boy who wants to fix relationships and broken hearts. Instead of toys, now it’s the lawn mower or a head light on the vehicle. Just this past summer, someone mouthed off to my best friend Cory and I wanted to fix him good. Anyway, you get the point.
When I experience this poverty, this injustice, I get so overwhelmed and disappointed in myself because I can’t fix this. In Nicaragua, we went down local streets to evangelize. I stopped to pray for this little girl with brain damage, who was about 5 years old. I broke down, crying out to Jesus because I felt like I wasn’t powerful enough to heal this little girl. In the Philippines, I had a similar moment in the hospital, when I saw a 2 pound baby, not the normal healthy 6 or 7lb baby, or the other baby with this huge gap between her nose and upper lip. I didn’t break down and cry, but I did get teary eyed because I was so frustrated, hurt and disappointed in myself. I had to learn to be at peace in the midst of looking at these babies, and trust that Jesus will give them life to the fullest. I think it’s just that my heart hurts knowing that they will spend the rest of their lives in and out of hospitals, having surgery, having tubes up their nose, and who knows what else.
I was told in the Philippines that they won’t get to experience the American dream. What the heck does that mean?? I hate that saying. I was so frustrated hearing that. I don’t know what the “American dream” is. I am sorry, but I don’t care about what the American dream is, because if that dream consists of passing people by, and not doing what we can to give children a better life or future, then I don’t want any part of that dream. We shouldn’t sit idly by, we should take action. We should want to give the little boy the experience to ride his first bike, the little girl to ride the pony, to go to school, to play hop scotch, or baseball. No little boy or girl should be in and out of hospitals their whole life and miss their childhood. That should be our dream.
At the end of the day, I have to understand that I can’t fix it. It’s a daily thing to work at…but I know who can….JESUS can. Jesus is the author and the creator of our lives. He knows when we hurt, when we are broken, troubled by everyday life situations, our sickness, fear and failures. I think about all the healing and miracles Jesus performed, the man with leprosy, healing the blind etc. He didn't break down or doubt himself at all. He walked in his Fathers perfect will, I guess all he asked from us that we have faith and believe.
When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.
Matthew 8:1-3
I may not like or accept what I see, but when I see through his eyes, then I will learn to accept that he made everything beautiful where it is exactly at. I don’t blame Jesus, I love him to pieces, and I understand, since the fall of man, this is stuff that will happen. He has the greater good in mind for the injustice that breaks our hearts, and he has a plan for those who may suffer from some deficiency. I just know when we come together as body, just like Jesus, we can heal the sick and comfort the lost and hurting. That is all I can do.
A little video that expresses how i feel. A song Jesus uses to help me cope with the things that I can't change.
You make everything Beautiful by Rebecca St James.
