With just 2 and a half weeks left before I depart on the World Race, I thankfully got to spend as much time as I could with my family in San Diego County of California, where my sister and niece moved to. As I was there, I had a lot of time to reflect on my life through my past, present and future. So here’s my reflection – written in a poem-like fashion:
Sometimes life is weird like that.
We are at the bottom of our pit, questioning God how did we ever get like this?
The cycles of darkness, dampness, downward spirals of sameness, nothingness, and emptiness become our every day being. Patterns of unchanging monotone thoughts of the past, our mistakes, our problems is haunting and taunting our minds, following our every move, as if anything we do is never enough. The past is still there, it didn’t go as planned, and anything you ever do moving forward will always be n o t h i n g.
n o t hi ng m at te rs. .
Sorrow seeps through our soul. . until suddenly we stop, we breathe and we realize, we cannot do this alone. We ask Him for help, for guidance, for light, for hope, for change, to give in and follow His will for us.
And then somehow out of the dark, damp, down, rough patterns of same – of nothing changing, of same sorrow…out of the gloom, He brings you up, His ways are somehow better than my ways – and Here I Am.
You realize life isn’t about me, about us, His love is so surpassingly beautiful, and worthy and deeper than any pit anyone has ever had to or is enduring.
Perhaps life is supposed to be weird like that.
Here I am Am, standing at the edge of the country I live in, the USA, off the SouthWest border where California meets Mexico meets the Pacific Ocean. Here I Am, touching the gate, the wall, the border that separates others from me. Here I Am standing at the shore, staring off into the distance of where my eyes can only see the first few feet ahead of me. Staring off into the direction of where countries of people live, of places I may see: just an ocean separating them from me. I don’t know what these next 11 months will look like, but Here I Am staring off into the starting line of where it will all begin. I’m about to soon take the plunge to cross these borders, to meet people from around the world, learn as much as possible, build bridges, break down walls, and do what I can to be a change God wants to see in this world.
“Here I Am, Send Me” – Isaiah 6:8
This trip is a metaphor for my life to not build walls, but instead, build bridges.
Border Field State Park – Mexico is right at the other side of the dark wall. You’re looking at the the most southern west side corner of the USA – the end of the country.
