It’s only the beginning…
Here I am sitting in front of my computer for only the 23576283748230782 time trying to write a blog that will sum up one of the most incredible years of my life. I’ve been thinking about what to write in this blog for awhile now, and honestly, I just keep putting it off because the task seems nearly impossible.
I’ve written. Rewritten. Erased. Written again. And in the end, I walk away from my computer overwhelmed by the task. How am I supposed to write about this past year of my life? How am I supposed to put into words how incredibly life changing it was? How am I supposed to explain what God is doing in the nations? How am I supposed to explain what God is doing in my heart right now?
And maybe part of me doesn’t want to publish this blog because by writing this I’m officially finalizing this season of my life (which I can’t deny I’m sad about). It also means I won’t be writing blogs anymore which is something I’ve thoroughly enjoyed doing this past year. Come to find out, I express my ideas and thoughts better through writing than in person. And it’s made me realize how much I love writing and sharing my journey through stories.
But, it’s time. I’ve been home long enough. And this blog has kept me awake in the middle of the night for too many nights. How crazy is that… there have been countless nights where I literally can’t sleep because my brain keeps thinking about what to write in this. Ugh… #thestruggle
When I think about the past year of my life, I can’t help but to be completely overwhelmed with a grateful heart. I think about all the amazing adventures I’ve had, all the incredible people I’ve met, all the wild experiences, all the embarrassing moments (too many to count), all the heartbreak, all the incredible God moments I’ve witnessed. I think about all the nations of the world that have completely stollen my heart… And the one word that sums it up is grateful. I’m amazed. I’m awe struck. And I just fall to my knees and praise Him for His unfailing love, protection, provision, comfort, and everything else that He is!! He truly is a good good Father that loves us like nothing we can imagine.
I knew the World Race would be an incredible experience, but God did so much more than I could’ve possibly ever imagined. He taught me about my identity in Christ and what it means to walk in humble obedience. He taught me what it means to have an intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and how to listen to His still subtle voice (something I’m still learning to this day). He showed me what love really means and what joy really means. He taught me to laugh at everything because inevitably something doesn’t go as planned. He showed me how to live simply, act fearlessly, and love boldly. He showed me that the only thing I really need is Him. Period.
You learn a few things about joy when you see children who come from abusive homes, who have no food to eat, no shoes to wear, and their hair is swarming with lice, yet they are overflowing with joy and heart warming smiles. You learn a few things about freedom when you see a congregation gather in an underground church and worship God with passion you’ve never seen before or when you see men in prisons who by the very physical definition of the word find themselves in complete bondage, yet spiritually they are “freer” than anyone I’ve ever met. You learn a few things about faith and prayer when you see God heal injuries right before your eyes time and time again. And you learn a few things about love when you live in community with 6 other humans who sometimes irritate you, but in the end you wouldn’t trade them for anything.
So here’s my prayer. That the things I’ve seen, the places I’ve been, the people I’ve met, the crazy experiences I’ve had, the adventurous moments, the scary stories and the funny stories would be nothing but a testimony of God’s magnificent glory and goodness. When I share these stories I want people to see nothing but how crazy amazing God is. I went on this journey to show the nations Jesus, and in the end, they showed me more and stole my heart in the process. They opened my eyes to things I only wish didn’t exist. God broke my heart for what breaks His, and honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Because the heartbreak and brokenness I’ve felt is only a glimpse of the way He feels when His sons and daughters are suffering.
This journey with Christ for Christ isn’t over. It’s lifelong, and the fact is, the journey has only begun.
And this next season is exciting. It’s fun. It’s adventurous. It’s daring. It’s thrilling. It’s hard. It’s challenging.
It’s different, but it’s good. O, is it good.
Why?
Because it’s with God. While traveling, I learned this life is nothing but a crazy awesome adventure with our Creator. He wants to romance us. He wants to know us. He wants to grow us and mold us. He wants to be there for us when things are hard and when things are good. In times of heartbreaking tears and times of joyful laughter. He wants to listen to us and speak to us. This is not a one way relationship with God on the receiving end. He just wants to live life with us. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re doing. And how incredibly lucky we are that we get to wake up every single morning with a Saviour by our side walking and doing this life with us?
But we have to stop. Slow down. We have to invest in this relationship just like any other relationship we have.
And that’s been one of the hardest challenges since being home.
On the race, quality time with God was abundant. I had regular morning coffee dates (and I’m a sucker for coffee dates). Responsibilities were limited. Belongings were limited. Wifi was limited. Places to go and people to see where limited. My “to do” list didn’t exist. I had the unique opportunity to taste what a life without endless distractions looked like. And my relationship with God grew significantly because of it.
Since being home, learning to balance a life continually growing in Christ and spending time in His Word while living in a society with a dangerous epidemic of overwork has been nothing but difficult. I’m constantly facing the temptation of filling every minute of every day with busyness. A lifestyle that has so strongly taken root in the United States of America. A lifestyle that doesn’t leave any time for a relationship with a God that’s more important, that’s more fulfilling, and worth more than all that we’re pursuing.
And it’s scary! I honestly didn’t realize the extent to which we fill our lives with noise before I left for the World Race. And now that I experienced a life with far less noise, being back in it is slapping me in the face. I’m still trying to figure out the balance. Still hardcore struggling with it. And still failing miserably most of the time.
But, the biggest thing I’ve learned (which I also encourage all you readers to do once in awhile if you struggle with the same thing) is say “no.” With so many people vying for your attention, so many responsibilities, so much wifi and social media, so much work, so much political junk flying from every direction sometimes we need to just say “no.” Not in a way that’s rude or disrespectful to others, but in a way that says to Satan… “no you are not going to fill my life with endless noise!” Because the fact is, we function better and we are able to invest deeper into the things we are pursuing if we first pursue Christ.
Now bare with me, readers! I promise I’ll be wrapping it up shortly.
Most of you are wondering what’s next?
Being home has been great and I’m absolutely loving life after 11n11. But, when I first found out I’d be moving back to Mansfield Ohio, working at Planet Fitness again, and probably not leaving for at least a year, I wasn’t super thrilled. I can’t even pretend like I was excited to be living in Ohio, let alone Mansfield. Ever since I graduated from High School, 6 years ago, I’ve done everything in my power to live anywhere but here. And I’ve been successful at it.
See, for the longest time, part of me was running away from Mansfield. Running away from the person I was in High School. Running away from memories here, running away from “settling” in this place because I thought there were so many other places that were “more beautiful.”
But after returning from the race, somewhere between praying about accepting a job, being close to family, and having the opportunity to live with my sister, God specifically told me:
“Right now, Mansfield is your ministry.”
And suddenly I had this crazy peace about staying here during this next season.
And then I read this quote…
“We stand in awe of the ocean, the thunderstorm, the sunset, the mountain; but we pass by a human being without notice even though the person is God’s most magnificent creation.”
— Augustine —
BAM… it hit me. Well more like punched me in the gut. I’ve been running from Mansfield because I thought other places were “more beautiful.” Suddenly my eyes were opened to how crazy beautiful this place is. Because God has put some crazy beautiful people in my life here who have spent their entire lives investing in me. And now it’s my time to start giving back. It’s my time to invest in them.
God showed me that right now I have a very unique opportunity to live with my sister and just “do life” together. Community is such a beautiful thing, and I get to live in community with my best friend. I get to invest in people who I haven’t been able to see much for the past 6 years. People like Natalie (my sister in law who I’ve spent a good portion of the last 6 years pushing away), Heather (my best friend from HS who has literally stuck by my side through the longest of distances), Pamela, Lauren, Simon, Joseph, Karin, Diane, Jill, Nash, my grandma, my mom, my dad, my brother’s, my cousins, and college friends. And so so so many others.
And the crazy thing is?
When I finally was able to see the beauty in the people all around me, I’ve also suddenly been able to see how beautiful Ohio is as well. I live in a gorgeous state, and I’m proud to be from Ohio! (never thought that would come out of my mouth). Maybe that’ll change after I live through a bitter cold Ohio winter again… it’s been awhile haha.
But, while I’m here, I plan to find a home church to get involved in, a worship team to sing in, and a youth group or women’s group to help lead or get involved with. God has given me a huge, huge heart for helping teenagers and women, specifically, find their identity in Christ. My heart is to lead them to the truths God says about them. To help them be rooted in Christ. So they can’t be shaken by the lies Satan consumes us with in our society. I’ve found crazy freedom from the endless lies I was believing, and it’s such a huge passion of mine to see others find that freedom as well. Most of the time it’s lies that we don’t even know we’re believing.
And I have no idea how long I will be in Ohio. I guess I’ll be here until God tells me otherwise. Right now, I’m just soaking this time in. I’m loving life, and I’m stoked for all that God has in store for the future. All I’m really sure about is that my heart is more on fire for the Lord now than it ever has been in my entire life, and life is just good, ya’ll!!! And God is pretty flippin good too!!! And I love livin life with Him… He always has a way of keeping things interesting.
You all are the best, and thank you for taking the time to read this blog!! I love you, and I can’t wait to connect with each of you personally and thank you for the impact you’ve had on my life. This journey wouldn’t have been possible without each of you… and don’t you ever forget that!
Love,
Jaz
***All pictures in this blog have been taken since reentry. Just a few of the cherished moments I’ve shared with the special people in my life here.
****Stay tuned for a final highlight video of my entire year. My awesome squadmate, Andrea, inspired me to make one after she made a ballin one of her year.
