So I apologize.. this blog was supposed to be finished and posted about 16 days ago. At least I’m still getting it posted in January though so technically it’s still the new year.
Anyway, this new year is bringing about a lot of changes in my life. Yes, I’m on the World Race… that’s a huge change in and of itself. 2015 is brought in with a new continent, Asia. A new language barrier. New cultural and social norms. And on top of all that, it’s also brought in with a new team. With all the newness, it’s almost like it’s a completely different race. A fresh start.
Not that Central America wasn’t great because it certainly was, and it contained four months of incredible growth. But there’s something about entering 2015 with so much change that is super exciting to me.
So as I enter Asia, as I enter 2015, as I enter this journey with a new team, I have some goals to go along.
- Be invested.
A theme I’ve begun to recognize in my race is how easy it is for me to not be invested. Each month I do ministry and get to know the people, but when it’s time for me to leave, I’m really not that torn up about it. I don’t deeply invest my heart into ministry, into our hosts, into my teammates. I’ve noticed this trend in other areas of my life as well like dating relationships, friendships, jobs, and multiple other areas as well. I’ve thought about this a lot. Why am I so afraid to really get invested in things? After much thought, I’ve realized it’s because I have a strong fear of being in pain. An emotional pain. A pain that causes my heart to ache. A couple years ago, I found myself in a situation where my heart had been deeply invested and when what I had deeply loved and cherished for years was taken from me, my heart was left in shambles. My heart hurt and ached for a good three years after, and I was certain that I was never going to shake the pain. I didn’t realize the impact that experience had on me until the race, but it has made me afraid of a hurting heart. Even in the moment, I knew God was the one healing my heart, but it didn’t change that fact that in my mind I decided I never wanted to feel that way again. Ever since then, I’ve put my guard up and won’t let things really get ahold of me. In dating relationships I’ve decided “Well I’m not going to really invest in him until I know for certain that I’m going to marry him.” Well how the heck do I know I’m going to marry him until I’m fully invested? That doesn’t seem to make much sense at all, but when it comes down to it, that’s the mentality I’ve adopted in a lot of things. And that’s not how I want to live the rest of my life. Central America helped me recognize this, and for the rest of the race and the rest of my life, I want to make a concerted effort to be invested. Even when I know it’s going to cause my heart pain to say goodbye. Love is painful, love is messy, it requires you to be invested. But that’s what people need, and it’s selfish for me to hold it back because I’m afraid of that ache in my heart. If God healed me once, he can heal me again. And again, and again, and again. - Be intentional.
This goes hand in hand with being invested. I have the choice to make the World Race what I want it to be. I can choose to love people, and do ministry on a shallow level or I can chose to love people and do ministry the way God would want me to. I’ve recognized my initial reaction to throw my guard up, and not let things get ahold of my heart. My goal is to be intentional in ministry, in my relationships with my hosts and teammates. As a result I will also be more invested. Like I’ve already mentioned, love isn’t easy. It’s a choice, but people need love and sometimes you have to put aside your selfish desires, see what people need, and meet that need. - Be a person of action.
One thing I refuse to ever be is someone who just talks. In college, it’s common to sit in your group of friends and talk about these awesome cool things to do, and it’s also common to never do them. I was usually that friend who would figure out a way to make things happen. Be a person of action. Make fun spring breaks happen. Make road trips happen. I don’t want to just be a talker. The new team I’m on, “Drop the Mic,” was talking about this very thing. During debrief, when we were first given our new teams, we had to meet up and decide on a team name and then also discuss team visions and goals. One of the themes we came up with among our team is how we want to be a team of action. We want to seek out ministry opportunities. We want to be disciples of action. We don’t want to just “talk”, we want to “do”. In this same way, I don’t want to just say I want to be invested and intentional. I want to BE these things. So going into this year, that is my goal. Be a person of action. Not just in ministry, but in other areas of my life as well.
God’s given me this opportunity to be on this incredible journey. I’ve learned so much about myself, about community, about cultures, about love… and I’ve learned so much about God himself. I’m excited for the new challenges. For the changes this year is bringing. I couldn’t be more thrilled to be in Asia right now, and I couldn’t be more thrilled to be with this new group of people I get to do life with.
