They listed off people to go to ministry and I was not on the list. The ones on the list were referred to as “the pretty ones.” I watched as some of my team was filled with anger and distraught at the fact that the people we were serving only wanted to be served by those that fit a certain criteria, thin with a light complexion. Questions began to fill the silence. “What gives them the right? Aren’t we serving at a church? What does my appearance have to do with me sharing the Gospel?” We went around in a circle to discuss everyone’s thoughts. Then they looked at me – not thin, dark skinned, me. I am the double negative that couldn’t make the list even if I was thin. I am the double negative that was more than ready to go and serve, but then was told I was not pretty enough to serve. I am the double negative.
When I opened my mouth to answer, the enemy must have shaken in fear because of the truth that I held near to my heart. With each syllable the enemy regretted plotting against this Precious Daughter. “I don’t care,” I proclaimed. Then waited to see if my feelings would change after I spoke those words – they didn’t. If anything, I became more passionate about not caring. I sat for a minute trying to dress myself in shame and anger and all the clothing of this world. But, the clothes and thoughts that my Father clothed me in could not easily be replaced.
The truth is, I didn’t care and I don’t care now. I don’t care that the natives stare and take pictures when I am not looking. I don’t care that they look at me and laugh to themselves. Or that when I ask if they have my size, they give me a no with a chuckle at the end. No, I don’t care about those things. No, those things don’t matter to me.
What matters to me is that they will forever be chasing a beauty standard that does not exist. What matters is that they have constant voices telling them that they are only pretty when their skin is a certain shade of white and their shirts are a certain kind of small. What matters to me is that they have been taught that people who look different than them don’t have much to offer. What matters to me is that they weren’t taught about double negatives, so they don’t know they always turn into positives.
When those chosen asked what my thoughts were about them still going to serve, I told them that going was the only option. That they must go and love and serve them the way Christ would. We must tell them that they are more than the shade of their skin and more than the size of their bodies. We must tell them that when it seems like they are only negatives, God sees them as His creation – a creation that He has already named beautiful. A creation that He has named enough. We must tell them that they are His and that will always be enough.
