For those of you who do not know me, I like to go backpacking. Beyond the sheer simplicity and beauty lies what continues to draw me to the trails that wind through the mountains. It’s the silence. A silence like I have never encountered before in my life.
I remember my first backpacking trip very well. I was equipped with blue jeans, running shoes, an old Kelty backpack, and a -15 degree sleeping bag. And so my best friend Eric and I ventured out into the mountains. It was during the remnants of hurricane Sandy and while much of the East got rain, the Appalachian Mountains got snow. Lots of it.
Now let me tell you, I was ill equipped for such a trip. Eric and I are kind of idiots. We never seem to remember to check the weather or our gear before we leave. We are so anxious to get out of the realm of normalcy and routine that we flee as fast as we can. We’ve forgotten a day’s worth of food because of this.
But back to the story. It was cold. I remember that. I had plastic Wal-Mart sacks covering my socks in efforts to keep my feet from getting wet, causing them to freeze off. The two of us had risen early that morning because it is very hard to sleep in while backpacking. It was quiet, I liked it. The morning felt pure, it felt untouched by the world around it. We had our breakfast of oatmeal, brushed our teeth and started a long day of hiking. After a brutal climb in snow up to our knees, we finally summited Mount Rogers. We came across a bald just off the trail and took a well-deserved break for lunch. That’s where it happened.
There was a haunting silence. In reference to my last blog, I was still running from God at this point. I did not want anything to do with Him. But this silence. My God it haunted me.
11 So He said, “Go forth and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. And behold, a voice came to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”(NASB)
That is what I heard. In the quiet, the sound of a gentle blowing, or something. I do not know. I looked out into the distance and saw ridge upon hazy ridge. Eric and I were not saying a word to one another. It was like we both knew there was something bigger than ourselves going on in that quiet. I cannot truly explain it but oh how it ruined me. I have not been the same since that silence.
I believe that is where I encountered God for the first time. Since then I have had a hard time listening and an even harder time hearing. That was two years ago.
And you know what it made me think? We have made ourselves so busy. We want to hear but we don’t want to listen. In this world full of distractions, however am I to slow down and look for God?
I know no way to intentionally slow down and be still other than backpacking. It is said that Jesus often withdrew to the mountains to pray. Maybe that is how He slowed Himself down and kept the world in perspective. I do not really know.
What I do know is that I have grown tired. I have grown tired of thinking that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing and hearing nothing from this God that I am trying to please. It’s lonely. It’s frustrating. It drives me mad honestly.
And maybe that’s the problem. “This God that I am trying to please.” I do not know what but something is wrong with that statement. As if I have diminished the love of God down to some checklist of do’s and don’ts. I am so obsessed with this law that Christ has abolished. Or something like that, I’m not sure. I think it’s more complex than that. The Pharisees were obsessed with it and Jesus didn’t take it easy on them, so there is that.
And I also don’t really know what I am trying to say other than maybe to tell you how I encountered God. Maybe if you’ve never experienced Him or haven’t in a while, you should slow down and do something different. Something that gets you out of this crazy world we live in. Something that causes you to drown in something bigger than yourself.
Because there is an eerie silence out there that wrecked me. There are an infinitesimal number of stars that moved me to tears. Life is not about what you do and what you don’t in regards to morality. I think we miss the point with that philosophy. Christ didn’t die to make bad people good but to make dead people alive. I think there is something in that for all of us.
So I am sorry for my homily. Go about your day as you would normally. But I think we are missing something.
“Let Go, Be Still!” He says. “Know that I am God.”
