*Note: This is a long blog, so I’m making it a 2-parter*
Yesterday my odometer turned over to a milestone age: 30. I always heard that once you turn 30 your body begins to fall apart. “Psh, that’s just a joke”, or so I always thought, but it’s not. Between a shoulder surgery last year, a torn quad, intermittent knee pains as well as various other “surprise” pains that seem to show up as they please, not to mention a degenerated disc in my back with spinal stenosis, it’s seems my body has been gearing up for 30 the last several years, like it’s saying “who’s joking now old man”. Though, in all fairness, a lot of this is probably due in large part to my gym addiction . The gym can be a tough mistress!
I’m sure you can imagine I’ve been asked “how does it feel to be 30?” more than once now. “Eh, no different than 29 really” is pretty much my response. But it isn’t true. It’s not true at all. 30 does feel different, and it has for the last month.
Simply put, my 20s SUCKED. I won’t dive into it all now. I know so many in the world have it so much worse than I do and I don’t want to complain. I have felt plagued for years by the empty feeling that I had wasted the last decade of my life. “What have I even accomplished with my life? What stories do I have to tell? What do I have to show for my life?” I know I’m hard on myself. Always have been. Sure, I’ve accomplished things, but its not enough. This IS NOT where I saw myself at this stage in life. 30 years old, working 2 jobs and still broke (thank you, Uncle Sam, for your most gracious loaning of money for my education that you immediately demanded back with interest following my graduation for a degree I have never been able to find work with), living with my parents, unmarried, etc. The list goes on. Time has been wasted. I just wanted my 20s to be dead and buried.
I feel like the target market for one of those late night self help commercials:” Life got you down? Feeling like you have lost all interest in things you once loved? Not sure where your life is headed anymore? Pop these pills and all your problems will magically disappear, everything will taste like candy, you will be instantly irresistible to the opposite sex…” etc etc etc. It’s hard to sit back and watch everyone around you receiving the life you dreamed of. It seems every time I get on facebook (How I hate you, facebook) someone else is getting married, having a kid, getting a promotion, drinking tea with the queen on mars. Why not me, God? I like tea.
My sister and I are 19 months apart, me being the oldest. I’ve watched as she left for college quite far from home (West Point Military Academy). I’ve watched as she found her “one” and got married at 21 years of age. I watched as she got to live abroad in South Korea for 3 years, as she began a family (2 girls with 2 boys on the way), as she’s had so many awesome life experiences and met so many different people. And Oh yea, she’s not living in her parents basement.
Now I know I’m not alone in this thinking. There are tons of young adults in the same boat, a big boat, a boat that grows larger and larger with every passing day (how the heck is this boat still floating?) This isn’t a very comforting thought though. At least I know how to swim 
STOP: HAMMER TIME!
Sorry…Couldn’t stop myself…80’s baby thing 
This is NOT meant to be a sad, depressing, “poor lil’ ol’ me” blog with a laundry list of failed life goals and achievements. Those days died with my 20’s and I am NOT mourning the loss. But, while we’re here, let’s end this portion of the blog by paying respects:
“Here lies the depressing, self defeating thoughts, frustrations, angers and fears of a life that was not quite the way I hoped it would be. RIP craptacular emotions and struggles fueled by the lies of the enemy.”
Amen.
Part 2 coming soon…
