Dear Future Janine,
It is the Summer of 2018 and you have just gotten back from the adventure of a lifetime. I can’t even pretend to have an idea of what you are feeling, so instead, I will remind you of what you felt back in the Fall of 2016.
You were still trying to process what’s to come.
You learned about the World Race the Summer of 2014 and your heart skipped a beat. It sounded like God had crafted this adventure for you with his bare hands. Then you thought back to all of your sins, heartbreak, and mistakes, and you doubted yourself. By the grace of God, you found your worth in church (blog soon to come) and applied.
Throughout the lengthy and personal application process you confessed parts of your life even your mother doesn’t know about, but you remained true to yourself, knowing that you would rather be rejected for being yourself than accepted for being someone that is really not who you are. You had faith and gave it to God. You waited and thought of Plan B, C, and D in case you were not accepted. Throughout this researching, applying, interviewing, praying and waiting, you still had to get out of bed, go to work, go to school, plan events, and teach classes with a smile in your heart and on your face. The world didn’t stop turning.
Then, the phone rang, and you were accepted. Your life was about to change (and hopefully the lives you would soon be interacting with), and you felt a rush of emotions. Before your emotions came out in words, they came out in tears, and your roommate (hey Kristen) heard your tears before she saw your smile. After a second of clarification, you two were jumping up and down as she exclaimed, “You’re going to see the world!” At that moment and for the month to come, it felt surreal, so you packed your lunch and went to work, as the world kept turning.
You were excited to travel to each of these countries, although you knew it would not be a glamorous vacation. You would be seeing and experiencing cultures and lifestyles that you had only read about, and you were hoping and praying that you would be a light in their time of darkness.
You read about the forms of ministry you could be taking on in each country, working with sex trafficking victims, orphans, widows, and more, and you knew this was what you were called to do, to love others in their time of need.
The idea of fundraising did not excite you. In fact, it was your greatest sense of dread (more than studying for your law final), but surprisingly, you felt a sense of peace about it. You had already planned ways to make fundraising fun and Mom and Julia had already helped you brainstorm creative ideas to help you reach your goal.
For one second you were contemplating being sad that you wouldn’t be dating until 2018, and then you laughed and realized that would probably be the case either way.
You had to bury feelings of fear. Fear that you would be forgotten by your friends, fear that you would miss births, engagements, and weddings, and fear that you would discover things about yourself that you weren’t ready to learn.
Your faith was STRONG, but there was still so much you didn’t understand.
You were so eager for more. More God, more miracles, more love, more life.
You were excited to see life through a new lens upon your arrival, but you were in no rush to see that day come.
Prayerfully,
You, November 11, 2016
