What I know and what I don’t.

Sometimes inspiration comes at night. Maybe it’s just
unhindered rambling. Whatever the case, I have these churnings going on in my
heart and I’ve got to let them out.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’ve left this blog
“hanging.� I haven’t really told you what I’m doing with my life these days,
and there’s a reason for that. I don’t really have an answer.

 

There’s no way for me to tell you what I’m now “doing� after
the past two years of “doing� the world race. There’s no logical way for me to
explain to you what I feel the Lord has called me to in this season. Most of
the time, even I think I’m crazy when I look at my life. I have more questions
than answers. I hardly know where I’ll be living from day to day. When random
strangers or old acquaintances ask me where I live and what I do, I give them a mumble and a blank
stare as I attempt to muster up some sort of truth in a response that makes
even a LITTLE bit of sense.

 

But you see, my life just doesn’t make sense to the average
working American right now. And that’s okay, because it’s not supposed to.  

 

God has me on a journey. I’ve become a “Student of Life.�
And let me tell you, He’s the best teacher I’ve ever had.

 

Back in October while I was in Romania, a spiritual father
figure asked me via facebook chat what was the last thing I heard God speak.
I thought about the question for a few moments before confidently responding,

 

Crap. What does THAT mean?! That wasn’t exactly the response
I was expecting…

 

I got to Georgia on November 1^st and within the
first ten days, I became confident that God was asking me to leave.

 

So I left, not knowing where I was going other than I would eventually make it to Nebraska.

 

It’s been a journey. I’ve often referred to this time as my
“Season of Favor,� because God has CONTINUALLY poured out his blessing upon my
life, all the way from the smallest details to the biggest victories. He’s
shown me that I AM HIS beloved daughter, and because He is steadily solidifying
that identity in my heart, I can confidently say that HE is taking care of me.

 

At the same time, He’s told me little about “what’s next�
other than to “WAIT.�

 

Doors have opened, and doors have closed. I’ve had amazing
opportunities presented to me that I’ve had to decline because after praying, I
simply knew they weren’t “right.� I can’t ever remember a time this has been
true of my life.

 

I’ve absolutely had stubborn fits. I’ve had breakdowns as God has
asked me to surrender yet again. I’ve wanted answers, and I’ve not received
many absolutes.

 

But the best thing about all of this is that HE has given me
peace; the peace that passes understanding; the kind that goes down deep and
cannot be shaken. 

 

Just the other day, I told a friend that I could finally say
with confidence that the Lord has called me to the people of America. I’m not
going overseas any time soon. (At least for a longer-term period.) My heart is
yearning for the hurting and broken right in front of me. You don’t have to go
far, because they are everywhere.

 

My passion is exploding.
I want my generation
to begin to understand that a life of everyday miracles is possible; that every
place we set foot becomes holy ground because we walk in the anointing of the
Holy Spirit; that the calling God has placed on our lives doesn’t have to be
“found� somewhere out there because it’s right HERE, right NOW; that each and
every day is filled with purpose if only we could open ourselves to RECEIVE;
that ultimately, life is a lot simpler than we make it out to be because Jesus
says to SEEK FIRST the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these
things (our needs) shall be given to us.

 

I just want us to GET THIS, and through our GETTING OF IT to
begin to impact every home, every family, and every community we are a part of.

2. The Holy Spirit has been speaking to me from the
“Parable of the Talents� found in Matthew 25 for several months. His word to me
has been that I must learn to STEWARD the gifts God has given me, no matter how
big or small they seem. His desire is that FRUIT would be produced in my
stewarding, and once I prove myself faithful, He can give more. But it’s NOT
UNTIL THEN that I am able to receive any more than this.

3. He is asking me to be AVAILABLE; available to
pick up and go at a moment’s notice, available to talk to the woman at the
grocery store, available to love the ones He has placed in front of me, and the
list could go on and on. The important thing is that my hands are untied.

 

These are big assignments but are at the same time found in
everyday moments. The best part is that I am discovering EVERY DAY is
important, and there is something to be learned in EVERY MOMENT if only I will
receive it.

 

 

The other morning as I was journaling, I told the Lord that
one of the hard things in this season is that it requires me to be fully
dependent on him and on others for my needs to be met. I desire to be able to
give back, but in all reality, I am not able to physically give any more. His
response to me in an instant was this:

 

It’s kind of hard to argue with that.

 

So for now, I choose to be present in this time and this
place.

 

I wait in eager anticipation of what each day will hold. (And I get to ENJOY the everyday-ness of life!)

 

I rest in the abiding promises of God over my life.

 

I make myself available for Him.

 

And I trust that in His good and perfect way, all will be
revealed in the right time to come.