I would say that as a general idea, I enjoy change. I tend to get bored with repetition, and I crave the thrill of newness in experiences, relationships, and likewise. In case you haven’t yet noticed, the Race is all about change. It’s one of the things that drew my attention from the very beginning. However, I am learning that although change is often good, it’s not always easy or fun. This really started to hit me the other day when I expressed to one of my squadmates that I am tired of moving. As soon as I begin to feel settled into a place, it’s time to pack all of my things once again and move. I was boggled as this friend proceeded to tell me that she’s slept in twenty-seven beds over the past four months. What?! That’s insanity. It doesn’t take a math genius to figure out that rounds off to about seven beds a month. I couldn’t believe it!
Too much change which leads to instability can be detrimental to a person’s well-being. At the same time, we cannot grow until we’ve been forced to go to new places spiritually, emotionally or physically. It is a healthy mix of the two that we need. Change now defines my life more than ever before. So much of the time, it’s great because it means I am getting to experience life in all sorts of places all around the world. I are meeting new people and seeing new things every day, and it’s absolutely wonderful! Yet there are moments that I long to feel at home and to have a space of my own. I long to dive deeper into the relationships I’ve formed thus far and see how they grow. I long to find a place to call “home.”
I recently read a book that talked about the idea of home, and I found myself completely identifying with the author. Through his own longings to find a place to call “home,” he finally discovered that home for any Believer is wherever God’s people are. As common “aliens and strangers on this earth,” our home is found as we dive into community with our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is why I have been able to feel at home in the Philippines or China or Kenya or Uganda. The hard part is being forced to rip myself away from what has become my home and starting all over again.
Uganda is the place I have felt most at home these past four months, and I fully recognize it’s because of God’s beloved people that I found community and fellowship with there. I (as well as my team) formed many deep and lasting friendships in just three weeks time, and I didn’t want to leave. Although my mind knew it was time to disconnect, my heart did not. I wasn’t ready for Tanzania because I felt like I had nothing left to give.
At the same time, I knew the Lord was plucking me out of Uganda to bring me to Tanzania. This has been the hardest transition I’ve had to make thus far for the very reasons stated above. It’s hard to fully invest in anything when your heart is not completely available to do so. I gave my team the analogy of feeling as though I was glued to a chair and as much as I wanted to get up and do something, I was stuck.
The first few days in each place have proved to be somewhat of a challenge in adjusting to the change and finding a direction and vision for ministry. This proved to be especially true this past week, and I found my heart longing for my last “home.” I knew however that I had to press through the lies and discouragement, so I wouldn’t let myself give in to the temptation to shut down.
One evening last week, I was forced out of my chair to do door-to-door evangelism. At the first home we found ourselves in, God showed up in a big way. We met two mamas and their four, sweet little boys. Through an hour-long conversation, one of the mamas decided to give her life to Christ and the other renewed her commitment! These commitments were confirmed when the next evening, both families showed up at the church for our prayer gathering. I could see evidential change in their hearts through the sheer joy on their faces! We prayed for continued healing and deliverance in their lives, and I am seeing God at work as I spend more and more time with these families.
My spirit has come alive again! Even though this transition has been hard, I decided in my heart to keep pressing forward, and God was (and will continue to be) faithful to see me through. I believe that God is good and His purposes always prevail, even when I cant see them. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of choosing joy in the midst of trial. Above all, I have to continually remind myself that this is not about me. I am only here to be a servant of the Lord and his people.
Speaking of transitions…
In case you haven’t heard, we went through a huge squad change at our last debrief! All of our teams were switched up in an effort to encourage continued growth and trust in each of us. Although we knew some changes were coming, it became a much larger change than anyone had predicted, including our leaders. I truly am so joyful at the way I see the Lord orchestrating this transition in each of our lives, and I trust that this is his will!
To team Judah: I love each and every one of you, and I am so thankful that the Lord gave us the first four months on the Race together! You are and will always be my family.
To team FUSE! (my new family): I am so excited to spend the coming months with you as we challenge each other to go deeper and live more fully!
I’ve put links to my new teammates’ blogs on the left-hand side of this page! CHECK THEM OUT, because they’re awesome! Elizabeth and Marisa were my teammates on Judah and have crossed over to FUSE with me! Also on FUSE are the amazing and anointed Abby, Emily, Ian and Jacob.
Stay tuned for more updates soon to come!!
