The Lord revealed something to me this week. So far, there are 16 other girls on my squad, no guys yet. I found myself wanting to pray for guys to come on the squad- 1 for diversity and 2 because that’s A LOT OF GIRLS. I’ve thought honestly, I don’t even like girls that much. I would rather hang out with a more even number of guys. Don’t get me wrong, I have several girl friends and like having girls night but girls can be dramatic, including myself. On average, girls tend to more clique-y, prone to gossip, and don’t let things go as easily as the average guy does. I’m not saying guys don’t do that too, because they do, just generally not to the same degree as girls. Don’t even get me started on hormones. Think about 17 girls that don’t know each other, are learning to live together, get along, be in unity, and then they get their period. Think about emotions up and down, pain, crying/ or irritable for no reason, the list goes on. Some refer to this as Shark Week…rightly so. That’s just a lot to deal with. ANYWAY, getting back to what the Lord was showing me about my thoughts on all of this. I’m dealing with some past junk. I’ve realized that some of my negative emotions stem back from high school and past church experiences. There have been multiple times in my life where I was technically part of a girl group but I didn’t always get invited to everything. Seeing pictures of my friends out doing things without me made no sense to me. I would question myself all the time. Are they mad at me? Do they just not like me? Why didn’t they just say something? Did I hurt their feelings? If I did, I want to make it right. I was too afraid to ask though, so I just sat there and let it eat at me. That has hurt me for a very long time and I can’t continue to let it affect my present and future relationships. I’m not going to pray that God will put guys on my squad. I want His will to be done. If that means co-ed, fine. If it means an all girl squad, that’s fine too. However it works out is how God orchestrated it and He has my and my squad mates best interest at heart. So now I’m praying that I will be open to new relationships and not close myself off. I’m also praying for unity and that no cliques will be formed in our squad. I understand that people are going to naturally bond more with certain people than others and that’s totally fine. I am however praying against anything that would cause division in our group and that we will all treat each other the same. In spite of these fears, I’m looking forward to gaining more sisters. I’m sure it will be challenging at times but I believe if we are all truly seeking the Lord it will all work out for the good.
