My Biography Chapter 2

  

      

                             Yes, I continued to perform as a Christian throughout college and to everyone including myself I seemed to be on the up and up in my spiritual walk with Christ, but whenever I did something I thought God wouldn’t approve I found myself trying harder to make myself do better, try harder, ask for forgiveness, but never really rest in God’s grace and love for me. I wanted to be perfect to win God’s approval, never realizing that I already had his unconditional love, and that I could never be or do anything good enough to warrant his free gift, because then it wouldn’t be free. Oh the changes I went through because I didn’t understand and receive this free gift for myself. So I found myself in a fellowship of people believing that we had an inside secret to Jesus’ work on earth and that somehow we had to be the one’s to teach everyone about the Sabbath. (It was that old lie that the apostle Paul warns us against thinking/believing that our group is the only one that knows the truth and in pride think oneself better than others.) Needless to say I had a hard time in that group because Jesus had put a love in my heart for others and he used the father’s character to eventually draw me out of that fellowship. So in 2005 I graduated from college still under this performance based idea of somehow earning my salvation or somehow being good enough to be worthy of Christ’s salvation. (although at the time I did not see that that’s what I was doing), I thought I knew Christ, but in reality the father was still drawing me at this time until I could have a real encounter with grace. My encounter with Jesus and the truth of his grace and love for me finally came albeit after sin had taken me to a dark place in my life.