I’ve been having hard time.
I’m having a hard time being present.
I find myself thinking a lot about what my life will be like during the World Race.
I find myself looking through pictures and watching videos from training camp on a daily basis.
I find myself wishing that this next month would just fly by so I can be on a plane to India with my team.
I’m having a hard time trusting that all my funds will be in on time .
Can’t tell you how many times I think about this throughout the day.
And how much I think about ways to raise more money.
Or who I can ask to consider being a financial supporter.
And every day since I’ve been back from training camp I feel convicted about all these things.
During our week at training camp the leadership made it very clear to us that we had to be intentional about being present while we are home and when the time came, to be present while on the race. While listening to them, I remember thinking, “I won’t have a problem doing that. I can do that easily.”
Boy, was I wrong!!!
I’ve already noticed how all of these thoughts have affected me negatively in the last week and a half.
At work I think more about the future than I do pay attention to my nanny children and talk to them. Sometimes I’ll have them watch videos with me that are about the race or different nations/people groups. They’re probably sick of that already.
At home, it’s like I’m already gone. It’s all I talk about. What more I need to do to be prepared for launch, visa stuff, money, REI shopping(I’m obsessed with that store), etcetera.
We hear all the time…
“live in the moment”
“wherever you are, be all there”
“carpe diem”
“we are only given today and never promised tomorrow”
blah. blah. blah…
Y’all, this has been so hard for me. My heart has been on the other side of the world for a few years now and it is quite the task to reel it back over to Dallas, Texas.
Now, I’m not totally absent or unhappy while being here. My people are the ones that make this easier for me. And the ones that will make it very difficult to leave for almost a year. They keep me going. They inspire and push me towards my goals and my calling. Don’t know how I would have made it without them this past year.
I’m very grateful that God has brought this to my attention now and that I’m choosing to listen to him now, rather than a week before I launch.
I’m choosing to make a conscious effort every day to be present and enjoy the season I am in. A season of preparation for my heart, soul, and spirit.
I’m realizing that how I end this season will determine how I begin the next one.
I need to allow God to help me be more present where I am because who is to say that while I’m overseas that I won’t be looking forward to the next month or even to coming home?
I don’t want to look back on this next month and regret not being more present with my family, my friends, my job, my life in Dallas. I’m determined to not make that mistake.
That’s all for now.
All my love,
Janet
