My dad is probably the most adventurous person I know. Growing up whenever there was a carnival or when we’d venture off to the amusement park, he’d take me on every ride with him. We’d usually run to every line to try to be the first ones and get the front seats on every rollercoaster. One of our favorite rides was the Pirate Ship. If you haven’t heard of it or at least seen it, it’s basically a huge ship that swings very high back and forth.
One day, when I was 12 years old, my family and I were at a local fair. My dad grabbed me by the hand the minute he saw the pirate ship and before I knew it, we were on the ride. My dad loved taking the back seat on this one because it would go up the highest and so the adrenaline rush was that much greater. For some reason, one that I still don’t understand, as soon as the ride started and reached its highest peak, I remember breathing in and not being able to breathe out. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t scream. I’m not sure, but all I remember is waking up in my father’s arms right outside of the pirate ship. He was frantically shaking me and tapping my cheeks to try to wake me up. I gasped and regained consciousness. My dad then asked me what happened and all I could remember was I couldn’t breathe. He then told me that he started yelling for them to stop the ride within just a few seconds of it starting and everyone stared at my father and I as he tried to get me to wake up. Talk about embarrassing! Especially since I had been on that same ride millions of times before.
Since that day, I have not been on that ride. The fear of passing out again and embarrassing myself in front of all those little kids and their families still traumatizes me. For years, I wouldn’t get on anything. Afraid that it could happen to me on any ride. I would of course still go to the amusement parks when my family would go, but I would only get on the rides I thought I could handle. My dad would always say, “Come on, let’s try the pirate ship again.” Out of fear my answer was always a reluctant “no.” He would always say, “That may not even happen to you again.” I knew he was right. The chances of that happening to me again were very slim, but fear dominated my decision.
This year I made it a rule to myself to never say “no” to something I felt God asking me to do. I wanted to practice my obedience and didn’t want to look back on my race thinking, I could have done this, and I could have done that. My teammates have this frequent question they use to challenge me and anyone else on the team who is afraid to do something. “What would happen if you did?”
So today, my team and I went on a gondola up to a mountain here in Ecuador known as “Pichincha.” Their plan was to hike it, my plan on the other hand was to stay at a café up top and have some one on one time with Jesus. In my mind I was going to spend the day there, read a good book and maybe get a blog in. However, the altitude got to me and I started having trouble breathing. I felt the Lord nudging me to go back down the gondola. “But Jesus, I just paid almost $9 to get up here and now you want me to go back down?” I ignored his request and kept on reading my book, my breathing grew shorter and shorter. So I decided to listen to him and head back down, while my team was on their way up the mountain peak. I then asked Him, “where am I gonna go now?” He answered with, “You’ll see,” a phrase He uses often with me. On my way down the gondola, I noticed something I hadn’t noticed on our way up, an amusement park and guess what the first ride that caught my eye was? Yes, you guessed it. The Pirate Ship! I immediately felt squeamish just at the sight of it. Then He whispered, “Today I want you to conquer your fear, I want you to ride the pirate ship with me.” My head began to shake no before my mouth got to it. “There’s no way I’m getting on that!” I began to wrestle with the idea in my head. Thinking the worst things possible like if I go back on that thing I will surely pass out or worse yet, die! Dramatic, I know, but when you’ve gone through a traumatic experience like I had, the thought of ever doing it again makes you go into a sudden panic.
So again I ignored his request and instead sat outside another coffee shop (after going down the gondola) and continued reading my book. It was almost as if the Lord had me wait to read the chapter I was reading to give me another push. The end of the chapter I was reading in “Love Does,” by Bob Goff (read it if you haven’t already, it’s amazing) said “So the next time God asks you to do something that is completely inexplicable, something you’re sure is a prank because it requires a decision or courage that’s way over your pay grade (LIKE RIDE THE PIRATE SHIP), something that might even save lives, say yes.” On top of that, I had taken out my sandwich to eat and a random dog almost jumped me for it (if I was crazy enough, I would have guessed it was Jesus trying to get my attention and get me to move).
“Remember you said you don’t want to leave the race wishing you had done something, now’s your time,” I felt Him saying. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right there with you, it’ll be fun!” At that point I couldn’t continue to ignore His request. He was right. So before I could think too much into it, I packed my things and made my way over to the amusement park.
My nerves began to build up and in order to calm myself down, I decided to just walk around the park. I first walked passed the kiddy rides and then made my way to the bigger ones until I laid eyes on my fear. For about twenty minutes, maybe longer, I stood there and watched people get on and off the ride. I could feel my muscles tensing and my breathing shorten again just at the thought of being back on it. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right there with you,” I kept hearing Him say.
I finally mustered up the courage and bought a single ticket to go on the ship. As I sat down I could feel God’s presence right next to me. As the ride slowly ascended I could feel the physical manifestations of what happened to me when I was 12 all over again, but this time I called out to Jesus and just screamed putting my arms up as if I were surrendering my fear.
No, I didn’t pass out and no I didn’t die, if I had I wouldn’t be typing this of course. Instead, I got off the ship with the biggest grin on my face.
I know it may not seem like much of a victory, but when faced with a fear, no matter how big or how small it is, the Lord wants to help you conquer it. Even if it means getting on a ride with you.
It’s easy to think that God does not care about small things. Maybe you have a fear of spiders, or rats, or heights. Whatever it may be, the Lord wants to join you in surrendering that fear.
And just like me, the Lord is saying to you right now. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right there with you.”
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