I’m trying to write this blog post and I don’t even know where to begin. Lately, I’ve felt disconnected. Anxiety. Not worthy. And well lost. It literally terrifies me. Last Sunday a group of us went to Jacksonville for a college ministry service, and well let me just say it has rocked me. It has made me feel completely different and it literally has turned my world upside down. I feel like I can’t even continue this journey unless I be real honest with myself and just lay this all out there.
In the service the title of the message was “Tall Tales”. We talked about how tales are fictional. You don’t have to do anything afterwards. It’s just in the moment you love the characters, you can watch a movie and that’s it. It over. It doesn’t require you to do a single thing out of it. People sometimes relate bible stories as tales. The only difference is the bible is not FICTIONAL. Its life. A message for us. When you read a passage you can’t just not doing anything about it. You need to think to yourself on how can I use what I just read and put it into my life. Everything you read out of the bible and every message you hear on a Sunday is meant for you.
In Luke 8:4-15 it talks about the parables. Talks about the seed (the word) being thrown to you or planted in you. Jesus talked about 4 different types of Christians. The first one example is they get the word, they are on the right path, but then evil comes along and takes the word from their hearts, and sweeps their path clean. To where they don’t follow it anymore. The second type is stone or the ones who have a moment. They are on fire for God. They are set on the stone and rocks, but they have no roots, so the seed can’t grow, or last. When test and trails come into play you start to fall away. The third type are the thorns or people who hear it and receive it, but they aren’t obedient. You toss the seed and it doesn’t stay because you won’t stay obedient and listen to what the Word of God is telling you. Then there are the ones with the rich soil. The ones who have the honest heart. It’s the rich good soil where the seed can set in and grow. The seeds turn into roots and then eventually if a tree that bears the fruit.
After hearing this sermon I started to really really think about my priorities. I started feeling my heart sink because if I’m being honest with the Lord and myself I have had those moments. I am honestly a stone person. I’m on fire and it so exciting, but I don’t understand why I haven’t been able to grow. When I get upset about something with the World Race or get that anxiety it almost makes me want to give up. I mean I stick with it but I don’t dig deep. I have my days where I am feeling distant with God and I can’t understand why I am really not growing spiritually. I give people advice on stuff and my input but at the end of the day I don’t even take my own advice and dig deep into the Word. I still get those moments of doubt.
This is probably the hardest thing I had to admit. The only way to grow through this is to admit it. Speak out my wrong doings and fix it. Now that we have it all out here, I can be honest. Have that honest heart. Break down the rocks that I am sitting on and make it into wonderful rich soil. Plant that seed on my heart and plant my roots. Dig deep into word and water it love and grace. Let the fruit grow.
I just want to ask you guys to please pray for me. For guidance and peace. For me to stay on the path and for me to grow roots with the seed that’s been planted in my heart.
“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” –Psalm 119:105
