A beautifully hand-crafted jar. Intricate designs weave and twist their way around top to bottom. Bold colors splashing life amidst the earthen base. There it sits… my most prized possession. Inside, the jar is full of valuable insense collected through the years- scents of community, breakthrough, struggle, love, hope….. A knock. A whisper. It’s time. I grab my jar, my most prized possession, and run out to meet LOVE himself. Gazing into his eyes, I know what I need to do. How can I give up my most prized possession? It has cost me everything, this valuable jar. Yet….How can I not give it up to him? Love beckons… I take the jar and pour it out at his feet. I watch as memories made, relationships formed, personal defeats and victories, stories and blessings of the past.. flow out at his feet. My most prized possession, an enormous sacrifice, willingly given to LOVE himself. I could have chosen a different path this year. I could have chosen to stay stateside- to stay with my community and best friends. I could have chosen not to pursue a life of abandonment….but I knew, deep in my heart that this year-this journey- is what I have been waiting for. I’ve been longing to be completely surrendered and completely abandoned. I’ve learned throughout my month in Cambodia that this journey begins with being broken. Brokenness is something I have been praying for but haven’t really always understood until this month. This life of constant pouring out and serving can be exhausting. It’s hard work. And living with 6 new people, trying to be each other’s community, brings a lot of heart issues to surface. I see my weaknesses and my lack. I see my shortcomings and my flaws. I see how much I have been living in the flesh and not in the spirit. I see how I can do nothing apart from God and I am nothing apart from him. And that’s the beauty. Laying down my will, my expectations, my desires, whatever “rights” I think I deserve, and even sweet gifts of the Father isn’t easy. It’s costly. It hurts. I don’t want to give up some things. But as I sat on the roof the other night, I threw all of these things on the altar to be burned up. And you know what? I felt this sweetness and peace rush into me. I felt the love of the Father fill me up and overwhelm me. The journey still isn’t easy, and it’s one I will be on for my whole life, but I know without a doubt that it’s worth it! Mary’s alabaster box was her prized possession. It was her costly perfume, worth a great amount of money. She extravagantly poured it out on the feet of Jesus, annointing his feet and filling the room with its fragrance.
Jesus, I give you my alabaster jar. I break it open willingly, with all the imperfect love I possess. You are more than worth it.
