I used to hate The Giving Tree. It’s a well-known children’s book by Shel Silverstein.
Once there was a tree… and she loved a little boy. Every day the boy would come to the tree to eat her apples, swing from her branches, or slide down her trunk… and the tree was happy. But as the boy grew older he began to want more from the tree, and the tree gave and gave…
I used to hate The Giving Tree because all I could think of was how unfairly the boy treated the tree. He was selfish and cruel and completely oblivious to his actions. The tree deserved more than the boy.
I started to hate the tree. I remember thinking how stupid the tree was to love someone who didn’t deserve her love. How stupid the tree was for giving all she had to someone who gave nothing in return. I started getting angry at the tree for all the things the boy lacked.
It took a long time for me to understand the deep beauty of grace, to understand the sometimes sad beauty of it. What it truly means to give someone what is completely undeserved of them. What it truly requires of the person giving grace.
When I finally began to understand the nuances of grace, I found a deep appreciation for The Giving Tree.
It is not about how selfishly the boy loved, or didn’t love. It’s about how much the tree loved, unconditionally. It isn’t the love you’re given, it’s the love you give without expectation.
I yearn to love like The Giving Tree.
I want to bear fruit and have others taste it, the sweetness of it.
I don’t want to bear bitter or rotten fruit filled with conditions or expectations.
Even if they betray me, hate me, take and take from me. I want to be able to say, “How much you hurt me could never change how much I love you.”
It’s scary to love that way. It makes love sound like a burden. It sounds exhausting. It sounds unfair. And it is unfair.
I still believe the tree deserved more love than the boy gave. Ideally love should be returned with love. I only mean that I don’t want that to affect how well I love someone. I’m not at that point, and because I’m a person and not a tree, I may never reach that point. It will likely be a life-pursuit.
I am sometimes offended when I don’t feel seen in my actions. I hurt when it doesn’t feel like the other person cares for me the way I care for them. I stiffen when someone says something sharp towards me. But I continue to pray to get there, to at least continue the pursuit of unconditional love. I pray to become a giving tree.
