Being in this relationship with my Maker has been radical. It is unlike any relationship I have ever been in before and is hands down the weirdest relationship of my life. He wants me…and by that I mean He doesn’t give a crap what I can do for Him, what I bring or don’t bring. He doesn’t care about my resume, my accomplishments. He asks me to sit with Him, to let me let Him be my Daddy, my Lover, my Friend. He tells me to get up and dance, to laugh, to be.
After we left the rest of our squad, Team Awaken went off to do some Ask the Lord (ATL) time. For each of us it ended up looking pretty different. For me, I told Him alright I’m not going to move until to you tell me to move, talk unless you tell me to talk. Learning to depend on the Holy Spirit, no more wasting time depending on me and what I know. So, the Lord told me to sit with Him, to be quiet with Him, and to stay with Him. My tendency is so the opposite…I keep myself busy, find ways to serve in tangible ways…but He said no. That meant me staying in doors, with not even a view to distract me from Him…my view was basically of a wall of pipes and tubes, not even any natural sunlight. 
And He gave me this vision of me…running around like a kid hyped up on sugar…and Him scooping me up and trying to get me to sit on His lap and me wriggling to get loose, but not being able to. And then me, sitting in this great big lap…looking all stiff and uncomfortable asking, ok am I done yet??? I bust out laughing at this. I love His sense of humor. I love that He has a sense of humor. He makes me laugh.
He gave me this song…its called “Faith” by Jason Upton…about faith rising up in the most broken parts of us, in the deepest parts of our being letting faith arise, about learning to trust again. All of us have these broken places, some that still linger on, some that we have chosen conveniently to forget, some that haunt us. When we forget these places or run from these places when He brings you there, its a cop out…its doubt. Its saying, I don’t believe that You are big enough, I don’t believe that You are in control, I don’t believe You care or that You love. I’m sorry but that’s not good enough. You rob yourself, when you don’t let Him take you to those broken things in Your life because He longs to meet you in that thing…you shake your head as you think…noooo not that thing, but I say YES that thing. You rob Him of the chance to remind you that Yes He is ________. Fill in the blank. Good, loving, real, just, your defender, your Father, etc.
So the Lord brought this song into my life…and then suddenly I wanted to be healed. To give you some background, I have this condition called Chronic Ideopathic Urticaria, which is basically hives with no known cause. If you have had hives, then you can sympathize. If you haven’t, hives suck. Imagine a topographic map on your skin head to toe. In addition, I have had food allergies and seasonal allergies my entire life, meaning anything that comes from trees from fruits to nuts to pollen to bark. But this whole stupid thing callied CIU started last year, for no known reason. I went to doctors, they couldn’t figure out what was wrong, I had blood tests, the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong. It got to the point that they couldn’t even run tests on me because they were afraid that I was going to experience anaphalaxis (where your throat closes up, it can be fatal). My allergy doctor didn’t think it was the wisest thing for me to go on the race, but God made it so crystal clear, I couldn’t not go. I tried to wean myself off several times, but even the simplest things like my hands on a steering wheel made my joints and palms swell. So when I packed my bags, I packed up my 7 epipens, the pills that I take everyday to manage the symptoms. And then I woke up one morning I got up and said You know what?! Lord, YOU told me in Your word that whatever I ask for in Your name will be done. So HEAL ME!! Get rid of the stupid hives, get rid of the stupid allergies. So I stopped take the pills…and started walking on water, walking in faith, letting faith rise up in the most broken places. And I ate my first bite of REAL apple for the first time in who knows how long. And He is slowly but surely healing the broken parts. I can’t remember when I last took a pill…He is slowly building this faith in me. Let faith arise. Daddy I love you, thank you. You are so good to me. I’m learning this child-like faith thing.
