A WORD ABOUT CONFIDENTIALITY 

(Advice from Michelle Gunnin, Alumni Parent and Parent Ministry Team member) 

The parent Facebook pages were created as a place of support, a place to ask questions, share both blessings and prayer requests, and receive official communications from Adventures in Missions. It has been wonderful to see the fruit that has come from these connections. When my daughter went on the WR in 2013 everything about the journey was new to me.  As a parent, I, like you, wanted to know the details of her travels, her safety, and her health. The Facebook group was my lifeline. I could see pictures other parents posted and get details I wouldn’t hear directly from my Racer. 

However, looking back now, I realize I likely broke confidentiality on more than one occasion.  I did not do this intentionally, but out of a place of not knowing how the small things I shared could become big things.  Fortunately, none of my innocent blunders caused any major issues. Now that I work in Parent Ministry, I have seen similar unwitting mistakes with confidentiality cause major issues among squads, teams, and families.  This issue comes up over and over again. Things shared on the parent FB page should not be mentioned or shared with your Racer. Your Racer should have no idea what is being shared on the parent page. 

Here are the Confidentiality Guidelines.  Comments on the FB page may include things about Racer or team activity, a prayer request for a sick Racer or a struggling squad, information about something that might have happened such as a lost debit card, a breakthrough for a Racer that is worth celebrating or even information from a parent about their own struggles or celebrations. 

PLEASE DO NOT: 

• Ask your Racer about it. 

• Mention it to your Racer. 

• Contact your Racer to ask if they are okay because you heard their team was struggling or sick or several credit cards were compromised. 

• Ask your Racer if a particular person is doing okay (unless your Racer was the one who shared the original request with you.)

What happens when confidentiality is broken?

• Racers feel betrayed.  Someone is asking then about stuff they haven’t shared directly with you or their teammates. 

• Racers feel uncomfortable that something they told you in confidence is now “widespread knowledge.” 

• Racers begin to distrust the value of having a parent FB page when it seems to fuel your concern over whether they are okay and, from their perception, creates drama.  

• Racer may become more hesitant to share with you because they are afraid it will not be treated confidentially.  

So what does this look like in practical terms? Here are some examples:

• For a Racer’s account of damage done when the confidentiality was broken, see; http://hunteryoung.adventurescga.org/?filename=how-parents-ruined-my-world-race

• Example #1 (my mistake)   My daughter isn’t a great communicator, so I would glean all I could from what her teammates and their parents posted on FB. The team leader’s mom was an active member on the FB group and frequently shared information her daughter had told her about travel dates, ministry hosts, and how things were going on her team. I was so grateful for this information!  However, more than once I shared information with my daughter BEFORE she knew about it. Once about a route change, and it made her feel as if they were being treated as children and left out of the loop. It wasn’t a big issue for her, but It could have been. Also I would ask her how so-and-so was doing based on the information I got off the group page. She later said that Racers knew parents were talking about them on the parent page and they resented it. 

• Example #2   A mom shared a personality trait about her daughter on the parent page. Her daughter called her very upset because another mom had shared the information with her own Racer, who in turn told the original Racer.  It was done in innocence and concern, but it caused a breach of trust between the Racer and her mom, as well as a concern on the team about what the parents talk about on the parent page.  

• Example #3    A son shared with his mom, “I’m struggling”, and then the mom asked for the FB group to pray for her son, which we encourage you to do. However, another parent then asked her daughter how the son was doing. ‘I know he has been struggling.’  The son got “checked on” about something he wasn’t ready to share with his team yet. This caused distrust of Parent Ministry and the parent group. Racers often times will shut down what they share with their parents after something like this thinking it will become public knowledge of they do. 

• Example #4   A daughter told her mom she was struggling to put her tent up at training camp.  The mom asked on the FB page, “Can someone send your son to help my daughter put her tent up?” Several Racers went and said, “You mom wants us to help you put your tent up.” Seems innocent enough…even helpful, right? But the result was embarrassment of the Racer who was simply venting to her mom.  It undercut the need for her to ask for help on her own and reinforced the mommy-will-take-care-of-it attitude causing the Racer to feel like she was still a little child.

• Example #5   A mom shared on the FB group she was struggling with the fact her daughter wasn’t calling very often.  Another mom told her own Racer to tell the daughter she needed to call her mom, because her mom was struggling. The mom didn’t want her Racer to know her struggle and it caused issues between the moms on the page not feeling safe to share their own issues. 

• Example #6   A Racer told her mom she was sick, and that she wasn’t the only one …“half the squad is sick.”  The mom asked for prayer for the squad on the FB page repeating what her daughter told her. All the moms in the group called their Racers to find out if they were some of the sick ones. Some Racers were angry and frustrated because they didn’t want to tell their moms until after the fact. They “knew she would overreact and worry.” Relationships on the squad were strained between Racers who didn’t want to tell parents until they were well and those who wanted their moms to know now. 

• Example #7   A mom had some theological concerns with some things her Racer told her.  The Racer didn’t have an issue and hadn’t told anyone on her team or leadership she had any concerns. The mom was concerned enough to ask about it on the FB page and things spiraled out of control in unhealthy ways, far beyond a simple question. Other parents moved into fear, based on the first mom’s reaction.  Someone posted other concerns. Concerned parents contacted their Racers to find out what was going on. Racers got upset because of the drama on the parent page. Other parents called Parent Ministry with their concerns about the negativity on various chat groups and the FB page. Parent Ministry had to address the entire parent group about the divisiveness and disunity that was occurring.   

In the early stages of this group we try to take opportunities to emphasize our confidentiality policy. WE CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THE NEGATIVE IMPACT ON RELATIONSHIPS WHEN CONFIDENTIALITY IS BREACHED. Nothing heard on this page can be shared unless it has been publicly posted elsewhere (e.g., in a Racer’s blog).  Treat this as you would a confidential prayer group at your church. When your Racer shares with you, ask them, “Is it okay for me to share this with the parent group so they can pray?” Then when you share it, state, “My Racer shared this with me in confidence, so please do not share with your Racer.”  This group is a safe place. We want it to stay that way for you. 

Please think before you post and if you are unsure, please email parent ministry first and we will be happy to help you.