I am confused. I don't understand God or what He wants from me right now. I am tired, as I have been for a month or so. And I don't know what to do.
When am I supposed to trust in God and let his grace be enough and when am I supposed to be a man and act?
When am I supposed to rest and to accept that I'm exhausted and when am I supposed to not complain and get over myself?
When am I supposed to be there for others despite how I'm feeling and when am I supposed to take time for myself?
When am I supposed to being ok with not being ok and when to decide to have a good attitude?
When am I supposed to "own my issue" and to not fall into self petty and when am I supposed to share with others and take time to process?
When am I supposed to stand up as a leader and when to just be myself?
When am I supposed to take responsibility and when to accept that everything is not on me?
When am I supposed to invest in the children here and when to know that God is at work in them and that I can trust Him?
Where is the balance? I don't know. And that confuses me. I just don't know what to do about it. And I don't know how to act right now.
I feel like I have exhausted myself by striving. I feel I gave it what I have and now I am empty. And while a voice inside of me tells me to rest, another one tells me to get over myself.
And that confusion tires me out even more. I don't know what's right and wrong anymore.
I feel there is some issue there that I can't see. Something deeper that creates this confusion of mine.
I would appreciate your thoughts and comments.
Jan
